Customer: I need cigarettes.
Cashier, pleasantly: How would you like to kill yourself?
Customer, expressionless: Newports.
Cashier: Here you go.
–CVS, 25th & 6th
Customer: I need cigarettes.
Cashier, pleasantly: How would you like to kill yourself?
Customer, expressionless: Newports.
Cashier: Here you go.
–CVS, 25th & 6th
Lady buying cigarette paper: When did the price go up to $1.25?!
Cashier: Three months ago… And you’ve asked me every day since.
–Blue Diner Deli, 92nd & 1st
Overheard by: Karen Bernstein
Middle-aged white lady: What are you trying to do? You are so rude! I can’t believe you! I am going to get you fired!
Clerk: [Silence.]Middle-aged white lady, to entire line: Can you believe these people? They are so rude! I can’t believe they are trying to short me my coffee! It’s unbelievable!
Young black man: Stop being so white.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, Atlantic & 4th, Brooklyn
Customer: Do you sell Lacoste here?
Sales associate: No, but they have a door right down on Spring Street.
Customer: How do I get there?
Sales associate: You go out our front door, make a right, and at the intersection make a left and the Lacoste store is right around the corner.
Customer: And they sell Lacoste there?
–Bloomingdales, Soho
Customer: I’m looking for a kitchen table, some chairs, and a coffee table.
Sales guy: Wow, your place must be very big!
Customer: Not really. That’s about all that will fit.
–Surprise! Surprise! store, East Village
Customer: But I just gave you 10 dollars.
Male barista: No, I gave you 10 dollars, which was a mistake.
Customer: Wait. Wait. No, you gave me twenty.
Male barista: Can I have it back?
Customer: No! It’s my change!
Male barista: But you just gave me 10 dollars!
–Starbucks
Overheard by: alanna
Customer: Hi, I’d like a ham and cheese sandwich, please.
Deli worker: We’re out of roast beef.
Customer: A ham and cheese sandwich, please.
Deli worker: I told you, there’s no roast beef.
Customer, slower: A sandwich with ham and cheese?
Deli worker: But there’s no roast beef.
–Broadway & Exchange
Old UES lady: We want to split the salad. Can they do that for us?
Waiter, patiently: I’m sorry, we don’t split the salads in the kitchen, but I can bring you an extra plate.
Old UES lady: Ugh, I just find that so offensive.
–Candle 79 Restaurant
Overheard by: sypmathetic former waitress
Cashier: Do you want a bag?
Elderly Village-type customer: Do I want a bag? What, am I gonna carry it out in my mouth?
–Strand Bookstore, 12th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jake Elwell
Customer: Can I see the smallest thing of K-Y you have?
Clerk: You should just use butter. It’s better and it’s cheaper.
–Drug store, 8th Ave, Chelsea
Overheard by: Mike M
