Customer: Do you sell Lacoste here?
Sales associate: No, but they have a door right down on Spring Street.
Customer: How do I get there?
Sales associate: You go out our front door, make a right, and at the intersection make a left and the Lacoste store is right around the corner.
Customer: And they sell Lacoste there?
–Bloomingdales, Soho
Customer: I’m looking for a kitchen table, some chairs, and a coffee table.
Sales guy: Wow, your place must be very big!
Customer: Not really. That’s about all that will fit.
–Surprise! Surprise! store, East Village
Customer: But I just gave you 10 dollars.
Male barista: No, I gave you 10 dollars, which was a mistake.
Customer: Wait. Wait. No, you gave me twenty.
Male barista: Can I have it back?
Customer: No! It’s my change!
Male barista: But you just gave me 10 dollars!
–Starbucks
Overheard by: alanna
Customer: Hi, I’d like a ham and cheese sandwich, please.
Deli worker: We’re out of roast beef.
Customer: A ham and cheese sandwich, please.
Deli worker: I told you, there’s no roast beef.
Customer, slower: A sandwich with ham and cheese?
Deli worker: But there’s no roast beef.
–Broadway & Exchange
Old UES lady: We want to split the salad. Can they do that for us?
Waiter, patiently: I’m sorry, we don’t split the salads in the kitchen, but I can bring you an extra plate.
Old UES lady: Ugh, I just find that so offensive.
–Candle 79 Restaurant
Overheard by: sypmathetic former waitress
Cashier: Do you want a bag?
Elderly Village-type customer: Do I want a bag? What, am I gonna carry it out in my mouth?
–Strand Bookstore, 12th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jake Elwell
Customer: Can I see the smallest thing of K-Y you have?
Clerk: You should just use butter. It’s better and it’s cheaper.
–Drug store, 8th Ave, Chelsea
Overheard by: Mike M
Man: Oh my god. This coffee right here — the best coffee I’ve ever had.
Employee: And only 85 cents!
Man: 85 cents! Look at that! You can’t get anything in New York for only 85 cents!
Girl holding Skittles: Except Skittles.
Man: What is that? What’s it called?
Girl: Skittles.
Man: Oh, man, I gotta get me some of that stuff.
–Happy Mart, 8th St
Overheard by: happy customer at happy mart
Trendy female customer: I like your Jesus necklace. Do you believe in Jesus the Almighty?
Sales dude: I do.
Trendy female customer: As you should.
–Marc Jacobs, Bleecker
Overheard by: Andrea Quijano
Patron: I’d like a grilled special.
Waiter: We don’t grill ’em.
Patron: Yes, you do. I had one last week.
Waiter: You got lucky.
–Katz’s Deli, Houston
