Guy #1, about babe passerby: Oooh, hey girl. Excuse me, miss? Miss! [Girl turns around.] Hello. How are you today? [Girl leaves.] Man, not even a hello! What the hell is wrong with women today?
Guy #2: I can’t believe you thought she’d actually talk to you.
Guy #1: Why? I’m good looking.
Guy #2: Dude, you’re wearing Tevas. Shut the fuck up.
–69th & Columbus
Chick: I have social anxiety.
Dude: Social anxiety? You played Jenga with my neighbors!
–Christy & Delancey
Overheard by: Tourist
Chick #1: So he just threw his shoes out?!
Chick #2: Yeah, he said he would never dance again.
Hobo: Never dance again!
–St. Mark’s & 2nd Ave
Girl #1: Thanks, I like being wished on. Well, not wished on, but wished for.
Girl #2: I was wished on in Mexico…
Girl #1, after long pause: Was it the same guy that gave you herpes?
–N train
Overheard by: i thought it was funny….
Thug #1: … And I was like, ‘Damn, baby. I just bought you some pizza, we’re about to see a movie — is it really imperative that I buy you the Justin Timberlake CD so you can listen to it tonight?’
Thug #2: I know what you mean dog. My girl was beggin’ me to buy her that new Akon shit.
Thug #1: Why can’t bitches just be happy?
–116th St station
Queer checking voice mail: Apparently my great aunt just died.
Friend: Oh, I’m so sorry.
Queer: Don’t be. She was a horrid, raging bitch.
Friend: Oh, well… then… ding dong!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jas
Puerto Rican girl: Yea, he’s Dominican and half black… But not really black, because he’s not loud or obnoxious and doesn’t dress like it.
Friend: So, he’s that good black?
Puerto Rican girl: Right. He’s not even really black at all!
–1 train
Overheard by: CG
Dude: So, how’s Chin Chin doing?
Girl: Oh, pretty good. She just got over that whole vaginal discharge thing. [Awkward silence.]Dude, to another girl: Chin Chin is her dog, by the way.
–NYU dorm elevator
Overheard by: valerie
Girl: If I were stranded somewhere with a dead hooker in my trunk, you’re still the person I’d call.
Guy: To this day, that’s the best compliment I’ve ever received.
–1020 Bar, 110th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ladle
Hipster to friend: Sometimes I feel like jumping into a bush, curling up into a ball, and punching everything.
Passerby: I dig that.
–Sheep’s Meadow
Overheard by: lenty
