Commuter chick: I had this crazy dream last night.
Friend: Yeah?
Commuter chick: Yeah, I was on a magic carpet ride.
Friend: Wow, how’d it feel?
Commuter chick: Like a rug.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: medic
Commuter chick: I had this crazy dream last night.
Friend: Yeah?
Commuter chick: Yeah, I was on a magic carpet ride.
Friend: Wow, how’d it feel?
Commuter chick: Like a rug.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: medic
30-something man: We had sex…
20-something woman: Oh, yeah?
30-something man: Yeah, but she had to use this diaper thing.
20-something woman: Weird!
30-something man: Yeah, it was like there was no contact, you know?
–Gracie Mews Diner, 81st & 1st
Columbia dude #1: B-b-but, but, dude, she asked me why I shaved my balls.
Columbia dude #2: Shhh!
–Lerner Hall, Columbia University
Headline by: Kris
Runners-Up:
· “…Next Time Don’t Walk Around Your Mom’s House Naked” – RBNY
· “A Secret Strong Enough For A Man, But Made For A Woman” – Vasyl
· “Best Job Interview Ever” – Rajath Vikram
· “Hopefully his hand doesn’t stutter like that when he’s shaving” – Peter B
· “Testicular Aerodynamics Under Fire” – Matt
Guy #1 flipping through showbill: So, what else has Mary Poppins done?
Girl #1: Greg*.
Guy #1: What?
Guy #2: Oh, yeah — you know Greg from work? Apparently he did the chick playing Mary Poppins back when they were both living in LA. He lost his virginity to her, in fact.
Girl #2: Wait, wait — you know a dude who cashed in his V card with Mary Poppins? Oh my god, that is just all sorts of awesome!
–Intermission of Mary Poppins
Girl to man who held door for her: Thank you.
Man: I love you.
Girl to friend: Nobody in New York has any respect anymore.
–Barnes & Noble, 82nd St
Overheard by: Elise C-K
Blonde chick: Oh my god, so there’s this playwright who died, and they’re like, putting on a re-… re-… Well, like, whatever it’s called, they’re putting it on. They’re reading some lines. But anyway, like, her brother who, like, my dad like, used to work with — well, he’s dead, too. And I’m like, ‘Why are you hanging out with your girlfriend’s daughter when I’m your real daughter?’
Friend: Oh my god, you should totally bitch him out.
Blonde chick: Oh, I will.
–Elevator, NYU residence hall
Girl #1: So, how was it at his house?
Girl #2: It was fine until he kept…
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2: Well, he kept begging me to try it, and I was like, ‘Listen, I’ll do any other kinky thing you want, but I think that is just gross!’ And then he went and got the garden hose anyway…
–Victoria’s Secret, Herald Square
Dude: There’s something not quite right about your pumpkin pie… It’s just slightly off… It’s like a dildo!
Chick with bite of pie in her mouth: Did you just compare my pie to a plastic dick?
–115th & Riverside
Overheard by: amalthya
Water connoisseur: So, how did things go last night with… Ugh… What’s her name? Kate?
Friend: Seriously, dude, it was going so well, but then she did something really f-ing nasty.
Water connoisseur: Whaaa?
Friend: Dude, she put an unfiltered ice cube in my Brita water. She totally tainted the water. Dude, that’s just gross.
Water connoisseur: How do you know she didn’t filter the cubes?
Friend: Dude, you just can’t risk something like that…
–N train
Overheard by: Mikeyy
Dude #1 introducing dude #2 to chick: … Well, she didn’t know, because I’m her only friend.
Chick: Oh my god, can you stop telling people that? [To dude #2] It’s true, though.
–Columbia campus
