Dude #1: So, what’s the verdict with you two?
Girl: Verdict? Huh?
Dude #1: You know — what’s the verdict?
Dude #2: He wants to know what’s up between you and me.
Girl: Oh. Verdict. That’s an awfully big word.
–Flatbush-bound 2 train
Overheard by: Sonia
Man: Sooo, I had anal sex for the first time last night.
Woman: Did she swallow?
–McDonald’s
Overheard by: Jrmy
Woman: She was a total skank.
Man: Yeah…
Woman: But still, I’m surprised she’s having a baby. Never saw it coming.
Man: Don’t think anyone did.
–Vincent’s, Mott St
Chick #1: Should I get the soup or the tuna?
Chick #2: You’ll like the soup for sure… Get the tuna.
–Perry St
White guy: A queer Sikh holding a cigarette like a woman and talking about grenades. Now I’ve seen everything. [Pause.] How was the mocha?
Asian friend: It was delicious, thank you.
–Q46 stop, Union Tpke & Utopia Pkwy
Overheard by: Peter G
Girl #1: So, when he was done I turned over and pressed my ‘that was easy button’ from Staples.
Girl #2: Oh my god.
Girl #1: Yeah, but now he won’t text me back.
–Orchard & Rivington
Overheard by: greer
Commuter chick: I had this crazy dream last night.
Friend: Yeah?
Commuter chick: Yeah, I was on a magic carpet ride.
Friend: Wow, how’d it feel?
Commuter chick: Like a rug.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: medic
30-something man: We had sex…
20-something woman: Oh, yeah?
30-something man: Yeah, but she had to use this diaper thing.
20-something woman: Weird!
30-something man: Yeah, it was like there was no contact, you know?
–Gracie Mews Diner, 81st & 1st
Columbia dude #1: B-b-but, but, dude, she asked me why I shaved my balls.
Columbia dude #2: Shhh!
–Lerner Hall, Columbia University
Headline by: Kris
Runners-Up:
· “…Next Time Don’t Walk Around Your Mom’s House Naked” – RBNY
· “A Secret Strong Enough For A Man, But Made For A Woman” – Vasyl
· “Best Job Interview Ever” – Rajath Vikram
· “Hopefully his hand doesn’t stutter like that when he’s shaving” – Peter B
· “Testicular Aerodynamics Under Fire” – Matt
Guy #1 flipping through showbill: So, what else has Mary Poppins done?
Girl #1: Greg*.
Guy #1: What?
Guy #2: Oh, yeah — you know Greg from work? Apparently he did the chick playing Mary Poppins back when they were both living in LA. He lost his virginity to her, in fact.
Girl #2: Wait, wait — you know a dude who cashed in his V card with Mary Poppins? Oh my god, that is just all sorts of awesome!
–Intermission of Mary Poppins
