Hobo: Excuse me, can you spare me some change?
Woman, pretending in bad Spanish: No hable engles.
Hobo: Shit! I gotta be bilingual to beg?!
–4th St subway station
Overheard by: Jessie
Hobo: Excuse me, can you spare me some change?
Woman, pretending in bad Spanish: No hable engles.
Hobo: Shit! I gotta be bilingual to beg?!
–4th St subway station
Overheard by: Jessie
Hobo: Caw! Caw! Tweet! Gobble! Gobble!
Black cop to another: See, man, that’s what’s happening to our people.
–8th Ave, between 35th & 36th
Overheard by: NRG
Screaming hobo: … But you know she was artificially inseminated by aliens!
Suit: Wait… Who?
–NYU
Hobo: Go shorty, it’s your birthday…
Drunk black woman, joining in: Yeah! Go, go!
Hobo: Shorty, it’s your shorty…
Drunk black woman: You singing it wrong. It’s, ‘We gonna party like it’s your birthday.’
Passerby gives hobo two dollars.
Drunk black woman: You need to give me half of that, I helped you out with the words.
–E train
Overheard by: Ruth
Hobo standing and applauding as Asian guy walks by: Yeah! Woo-hoo! You’re Chinese! Yeah! Go for you! Woo!
Asian guy: I don’t have the heart to tell him I’m Korean.
–8th & 6th
Homeless man: You need to pray to Jesus everyday. Do you thank Jesus for your food or your family or the newspaper? The devil is killing you through newspapers and the media. Are you thankful to Jesus? He loves you if you talk to him everyday.
Queer: I would be thankful to Jesus if you would stop shouting in my ear so I can listen to Beyonce’s newest album.
–N train
Overheard by: Brina Guild
Headline by: kempadimes
Runners-Up:
· “Is my Savior too bootylicious?” – Mdaneman
· “Jesulicious” – Mark Schilsky
· “Jesus loves me, this I know. A fucking hobo tells me so.” – Extra Character
· “Jesus saves souls, not careers” – Megan
· “Some messiahs are so high-maintenance” – N. A. Cargo
Lady hobo: Y’all got some money up in here?! [Long pause] I’ll take some food… A fruit, a coke, a twizlah, a bag of chips, a hair comb. I will eat anything you give me! I ain’t ashamed! [Longer pause] Shoot. Aight. I’ll sing. I’ll goddamn sing y’all a song. Any of you object to this? Anyone object to me singing a goddamn lovely song? ‘Cause I’ll do it. Sir, sir, you object? Miss? [Passengers begin to laugh.] Okay, this is the last call for anyone who objects. One, two, three… [Starts singing old southern tune].
High school thug: Yo, is this shit too late to object to? Shut the fuck up.
–Brooklyn-bound F train
Overheard by: CrappedMyPantsOut
Girl to friends: So, where should we get delivery from tonight?
Hobo: Get DiGiorno!
–49th & 7th
Hobo falls asleep on hipster girl and breathes in her face — she gags.
Hipster friend: What’s wrong?
Hipster girl: I just saw hell, and it smells like Taco Bell.
–4 train
Overheard by: I could smell it too
Hobo in a hurry to a stopped cabbie with open window: Yo, yo, dude! What time it is?
Indian cabbie: 21 hundred.
Hobo: Huh?
Indian cabbie: 21 hundred.
Hobo: Man, that’s not funny.
–4th St, between 1st & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Dan
