Test-taker #1: You know how good a test location is by the ratio of people to Asians.
Test-taker #2: Huh?
Test-taker #1: That’s how it’s done.
–Line for SATs, Martin Luther King High
Test-taker #1: You know how good a test location is by the ratio of people to Asians.
Test-taker #2: Huh?
Test-taker #1: That’s how it’s done.
–Line for SATs, Martin Luther King High
Obnoxious woman: Excuse me, excuse me! Do you know where Park Place is?
Jaded youth: Next to Boardwalk.
Obnoxious woman: Where is that?
–E Broadway
Overheard by: Mr. Money Bags
Man: So, where are you from?
Woman: Boston.
Man: Oh, yeah. That’s in Chicago, right?
–2 train
Chick #1: I wonder why they call it TP-ing a house…
Chick #2: Maybe it stands for ‘toilet paper.’
Chick #1: That doesn’t make any sense!
–74th & Broadway
Overheard by: Kirby J
Conductor: Due to an incident, the L train is now running at a slower speed.
Chick, to friend: You see?! You see?! It’s always a body with the L train. With the L train it’s always a body.
–L train, 6th Ave
Overheard by: Hannah
Park bench guy #1: If you could control it, what’s your ideal death?
Park bench guy #2: Something public, definitely. I’d rig a guillotine or something and when the chopper falls my head’ll roll in front of this kid and he’ll just stare at my lifeless eyes.
Park bench guy #1: That’s some sick shit. I’d want something that I wouldn’t dread. Like, I’d just drop dead, you know? Painless would be nice, too. Think carbon monoxide is painless?
Park bench guy #2: I always figured it was like getting choked except, like, all over your body.
Passerby: It’s painless! It has to be!
–Bowling Green
Overheard by: Matt
Fruity metro guy: My truck makes this crazy noise whenever I brake.
Mechanic: What’s the make of your truck, son?
Fruity metro guy: White.
Mechanic: No, son, the make.
Fruity metro guy: Truck.
Mechanic: The make, son, the make.
Fruity metro guy: 1997. There, I’ve just told you everything I know about my truck.
Mechanic: Who made your truck? Ford? Nissan?
Fruity metro guy: Oh, you mean the brand. It’s Ford.
Mechanic: A truck ain’t a pair of jeans, son.
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: JoshOnTheBus
Dude #1: Do anything this weekend?
Dude #2: Yeah, went to my cousin’s wedding.
Dude #1: Open bar?
Dude #2: Yeah, but I don’t drink, ’cause I’m an alcoholic, so I only had a couple vodka tonics.
–Jacob Javits Convention Center
Teen #1: Hey, since, like, they keep putting cement and buildings and stuff on the Earth, won’t it just keep gettin’ heavier and, like, explode?
Teen #2: You know what? I never thought about that!
–Grand Central
Mom: You’re going to have a great time.
Kid: But is Chicago safe?
Mom: Of course it is! Oprah lives there!
–JFK
