Gym rat: So, don’t tell a lot of people, but, um, I write poetry.
Friend: Oh, yeah? Since when?
Gym rat: Since we was in English Lit. That Edgar Allen Poe guy — man, he really expired me to be a writer. I got lots to say.
Friend: That’s cool.
Gym rat: I just hope it’s easy to get published and shit.
Friend: Should be, should be.
Gym rat: Or maybe I should just go on Def Poetry Jam. Anyone can do that shit.
–44th & Park
Male conductor over the speakers: This is the express train! Next stop: Roosevelt Avenue.
Female conductor over the speakers: Shit, this is the express?!
–E train, Queens Plaza station
Angry girl: What do you mean you didn’t fuck up?
Boyfriend: I didn’t fuck up!
Angry girl: You got a stripper pregnant! You fucked up!
–Sandwich shop, Bleecker
Overheard by: Catie
Secretary: Mr. Barnes* is out today… He is very sick.
Colleague: Oh, no! What’s wrong?
Secretary: He has food poisoning. You know — that semolina…
Colleague: You mean ‘salmonella’?
Secretary: Yeah, that’s what I just said — semolina.
–Financial District
Girl: So, do you know anything about the Holocaust?
Roommate: Like what?
Girl: I don’t know — like, fun facts or something?
–Dorm, Columbia
Lady with disposable camera prominently featuring ‘Flash’ label: Does this camera have a flash?
Employee, to cashier: Does this have a flash?
Cashier, not looking: Yes.
Employee: This has a flash.
Lady: Are you sure? [To her mother] I hope this has a flash.
–CVS, Kings Hwy & Nostrand Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: The Yankee
Sketchy dude #1: So, what you do is you buy crack, and then you tell the cops where you got the crack, and then you get to keep the crack!
Sketchy dude #2: And what’s that called again?
Sketchy dude #1: Court informer.
Sketchy dude #2: Yeah, court informer. I’m gonna be that!
–A train
Overheard by: Jon
Guy #1: Yeah, so the taxi driver took us through the most congested traffic. He did it on purpose!
Guy #2: That’s why you have to tell them where to go.
Guy #1: And be firm.
Guy #2: It’s like training a dog.
–3 train
Overheard by: rick
Man sitting outside building: Hey, Angelo! You know why I sit over here?
Bored doorman: Why?
Man: You can see those midgets straight through there gettin’ in and out of that box! They do things you wouldn’t believe! Outfits and everything!
–77th St, between Lex & 3rd Ave
Headline by: nick
Runners-Up:
· “Count Me In!” – Lalaith
· “And with a Little Peanut Butter, You Can Get Them to Lick You anywhere.” – Jeff P
· “Dude, That’s a Fucking Playground” – s h
· “Like Babies but Cuter!” – Tellulah
· “Otis Gets Cable” – D. Kareem
· “That Box? Lindsay Lohan.” – sweetchuck
Self-satisfied girl: I’m not sure how I feel about democracy. I mean, I enjoy the benefits, but it’s like they say, ‘Democracy is the worst form of government except for all the other ones.’
Dude: That’s great! Who said that?
Self-satisfied girl: That guy de Tocqueville. You know, that little prince guy that came over here for a while. He taught us so much about ourselves.
Dude: That is so interesting.
–Court & Dean
Overheard by: lish
