Lady #1: The doctor has me on all kinds of medication for my STD.
Lady #2: Oh?
Daughter of lady #1: Mom, for the last time, it’s ‘SVT,’ not ‘STD.’ You have a heart condition, not a sexually transmitted disease.
Lady #1: Shit, I really have to stop getting those two things mixed up!
–E train
Frat boy #1: Dude, you got really skinny. What’s going on with you? Are you sick or something?
Frat boy #2: Yeah, bro, I have IBS — Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
Frat boy #1: You shittin’ me!
–91st & 1st
Overheard by: AZS
Redhead: I wish I was a pirate.
Brunette: No, you don’t. Pirates are dirty. They don’t have toothbrushes.
Redhead: Yeah… But they drink so much alcohol that it kills the bacteria in their mouths anyway.
Brunette: Really? Well, they still don’t have health insurance…
–FIT dorm
French hipster girl: I got allergies in New York.
Hipster boy: How can you tell they’re allergies and not a cold? I mean, it’s winter.
French hipster girl: Well, I know because the back of my thong is itchy.
–JFK
Investment banker lady: He needs some hobbies besides painkillers.
–45th & Park
Overheard by: triSarahtops
Queer: Who needs a boyfriend when you have OxyContin?
–4th St & Ave C
Overheard by: Kenney Matthews
Excited chick on cell: Oh my god, and my mom said for my birthday she is gonna get me these pills!
–79th & Amsterdam
Middle-aged man: That is why I have been taking my father’s pills.
–14th & Broadway
Overheard by: Coffeeshopgoth
NYU girl to another: If your dad didn’t want to go on anti-depressants before, he’s gonna want to now!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Sarah
Philosophy professor: So, let’s just say one time I was on… prescription medication.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Raquel
Distraught girlfriend: Excuse me, do you have an inhaler? My boyfriend is having a severe asthma attack!
Teen chick passerby: Oh my god! Here, take my breath spray!
–Central Park
Guy: No, Tourettes have it better.
Girl: Yeah, they just spaz out.
–F train
Overheard by: Suriya Schmidt
Chick: Okay, here is my job application. Under ‘Goals’ I have, ‘Get my people skills to a comfortable level.’ For ‘Steps to Achieve These Goals’ I have, ‘Right now I am passive-aggressive, but I am working to become more aggressive.’
Dude: Ummm, I think you should take out the first ‘aggressive.’ Anyway, you aren’t passive-aggressive, you are bipolar.
Chick: I am not! I just hate everyone!
Dude: Then why do you take the crazy pills?
–A train, near Canal St
Study group girl #1: I totally had no idea that hepatitis had anything to do with your liver.
Study group girl #2: Oh, I know! I thought it was just a disease. You know, like AIDS.
–Hormann Library, Wagner College, Staten Island
Boy to friends: Last one to the car has herpes!
–Hylan Blvd, Staten Island
NYU co-ed to another: You gotta put on your STD face!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jatmos
Drunk girl yelling at drunk guy down the street: I’m pretty sure I haven’t contracted anything from anyone tonight!
–12th & 3rd
20-something chick: How come all the nice guys I meet always have some sort of STD?
–Lincoln Center
Drunk NYU chick: You’re gay and you go to NYU — there’s no reason why your love life shouldn’t be flourishing… except AIDS.
–Union Square
Overheard by: that guy
Blonde: Just because you have syphilis doesn’t mean I have to listen to you!
–Max Breener’s Chocolate Shop, Union Square
Overheard by: Eskimo Child
Chick on cell: Brian? I love Brian… even though he gave me the herpe.
–E 9th & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Raven
