Middle-aged man to elderly woman: Mom, he’s such a…I dunno. He told me the same story five times last night.
Elderly woman: Listen, dear: at my age, any man who can walk by himself and pee by himself is a catch.
–Madison Avenue Bus
Overheard by: The New York Crank
Girl: As long as I don’t get that anthrax thingy I’m cool with the chicken.
–Elevator 112 west 34th st
Overheard by: Rebecca
Five-year-old: Why do babies look like chickens?
–Nederlander Theatre
Overheard by: Jordan
Man explaining menu to wife: You know fried chicken: the chicken with the crust.
–Virgils BBQ, 44th St
Overheard by: fish
Teacher, after seeing one of her seven-year-old students smell an empty subway seat: Sienna, there are 10,000 people a day sitting in that very seat. What do you think it would smell like? Chicken?
–F Train
Overheard by: Marlene Saunders
Woman to man: Everyone loves when you throw the chicken.
–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn Heights
20-something girl: … And then he drank the holy water, wait, no. I drank the holy water, and he got sick, but I didn’t.
20-something guy: Did it cure your gout?
20-something girl, angrily: I don’t have the gout!
–Crowded Elevator, Atlantic Ave Station, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Tigertail
Little boy: But I was really excited for her to get a hernia!
–35th & 6th
Overheard by: alix
Eleven-year-old boy, to classmate that he just hit with a ball representing "responsibility": Oooooooo!!! You just got pounded in the face with responsibility!!!
–Bushwick, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Their Proud Counselor
Ten-year-old girl, about figures: Why do they all have to be boys?
–Bodies: The Exhibition, South Street Seaport
Overheard by: Robert
Young child crossing the street while holding his mothers hand: [Singing] Please… Don’t… Enter me.
–70th St & Columbus
Little boy: It’s not illegal to jiggle.
–6th & 17th
Preschooler to daddy: Can I get that three hundred dollars now?
–UES
Man on phone, while withdrawing cash at the ATM: Congrats, dude. It could still be chlamydia though!
–LES
Overheard by: Romano
Kid: I don’t like this place, it has aids.
–F Train
Overheard by: Richard J. Anderson
Man on cell: You can’t just sleep in somebody’s bed and not tell them you have scabies. That’s… irresponsible.
–Home Depot
Professional woman: So I think you have an STD and blah blah blah.
–Times Square
Customer: Can we get an extra plate? He’s sick and I have herpes.
–Freemans, Freeman’s Alley
Twentysomething businesswoman: I was like, ‘oh my god, don’t hook up with my mom’… she has crabs!
–13th & 2nd
Overheard by: Natalia
Young guy to his friend: As least if she’s got diarrhea, I won’t need the lube.
Friend: Dude. That’s gross. Like I don’t want to talk about this anymore.
Guy: Well I mean it sounds gross and if you get past the smell, it’s pretty kick ass. Awesome texture man!
Friend: You’ve done this before?!
Guy: The first time, I didn’t want to. But afterwards, I was thinking of sneaking her laxatives cuz it was so rad. But dude! I lucked out, she has digestive issues!
Friend: What the hell did NYU do to you?
–F Train
Girl: Well, we have a lot in common.
Skeptical friend: Really?
Girl: Yeah! Well, we were both in comas…
–Hunter College
Old lady: Is your stomach still bothering you?
Waiter: No, but yesterday I wasn’t feeling well. It was probably something that I ate over the weekend.
Old lady: Speaking of yesterday, all I was doing was throwing up incessantly, and I just could not stop… And on top of that, I had diarrhea!
–Gracie’s Diner
Building super #1: You seen that bird we got in the courtyard? That thing got a mad long beak.
Building super #2: It’s probably a woodpecker.
Building super #1: It ain’t no fuckin’ woodpecker! Someone need to call the ASPCA or some shit before that thing bite someone and give ’em bird flu or some shit!
–2 train, 14th St
Overheard by: Chuckell
Man on cell: I have a rash there, too!
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: Ewww!
Girl to friends: So yeah, I found out today that I have second-hand ADD…
–86th & Broadway
Overheard by: the doc
Barker to another who spit on him: Man, why you spittin’? What if you got laryngitis? Your next customer’s gonna get AIDS!
–Astroland, Coney Island
Overheard by: Greg Costello
Feminine real estate broker guy on cell: … And then tuberculosis Betty walked in!
–Real estate office, 47th & Madison
Overheard by: Felago
Girl on cell: Honestly, if you have leukemia, you should not be doing coke.
–34th & 8th
