Judaism

She Must Live in Amsterdam Now

Girl: Santa Claus is from Finland, you know.
Guy #1: Oh yeah?
Girl: Yeah, he’s not from the North Pole like you think he is…I know him, I can ask him about you.
Guy #1: Oh yeah? Well, have I been naughty all these years?
Girl: I don’t know, I’d have to go back and ask him.
Guy #1: Yeah, find out why I haven’t been getting presents all these years.
Guy #2: He’s Jewish.
Woman: Are you from Finland, then?
Girl: Yes.
Woman: Are you Santa Claus’ granddaughter, then?
Girl: Oh yeah, and we’re from the same town in Finland…and he’s not fake, he’s real!

–L train

Overheard by: Kaitie

Is It Crown Heights Day Already?

Jewish man: But I was here first! I was waiting!
Black chick: All right sir, just calm down. It doesn’t matter. Get a life.
Jewish man: Why don’t you go back to jail?
Black chick: Yeah, and why don’t you go get some viagra or something?
Jewish man: Yeah, I’d need it for you.
Black chick: Fuck you, bitch!

–Court Street Office Supplies, Brooklyn Hights

Overheard by: mrmcd

Then Explain That St. Ignatius Menorah

Guy #1: She’s really religious, she even goes to a Jesuit school.
Girl #1: Oh! Like JTS?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: What? Isn’t Jesuit another word for Jewish? Like Orthodox or something?
Guy #1: Um, no.

–Columbia University

#14: The Washington Monument

Jessica Cutler: Twelve of my last sixteen boyfriends were Jewish.

–Happy Ending, Broome Street

You Should See What the Calamari is Made Of

Dude #1: Turkey and swiss.
Deliman: Sorry, no cheese.
Dude #1: Jesus Christ! What kind of deli doesn’t have cheese?
Dude #2: Um, dude…Jewish deli…
Dude #1: I don’t suppose they’d have hot peppers either, then.

–2nd Avenue Deli

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

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