Judaism

Girl 1: I just saw, like, 3 cute Jewish-looking guys.
Girl 2: Yeah, that one in the window?
Girl 1: Yeah.
Girl 2: Wanna go touch his butt?

–48th and 9th

Overheard by: alexie
Headline by: lori

Runners-Up:
· “Boy, if I had a quarter for every time someone said that about me, I’d have…..35 cents.” – Adam
· “By That I Mean Marry Him For His Money” – dean morris
· “Diaper Change Time at the Mt. Sanai Maternity Ward…” – Warren Freeman
· “Goy chicks are, like, so daring” – DJG
· “It’s only Trayf if you eat him” – djingo
· “Jewish: The Other White Meat” – James
· “Or we could go tweak that catholic-looking guy’s nipples” – morgz
· “Pants so tight you can see his religion” – scarfaccio
· “Satan Would Approve” – hl
· “The “Shiksa Shocka”” – Vick
· “Ugh… the cute ones are ALWAYS jewish” – Jnice
· “Yeah, That Wallet Is Huge.” – Keith Becker

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Drunk white man: Hey, sir. “Knish” is spelled wrong.
Indian cashier: What?
Drunk white man: The food behind the case here. You spelled “knish” wrong, and I’ve told you guys before and it still hasn’t been fixed. Look, buddy, I’ve come in here ten times in the last week. I’ve told three other employees that the spelling is wrong, and next time I come in here it better be spelled right or the Jews are gonna come kill you.

Drunk white man storms out.

Indian cashier: That man is fucking crazy. It’s knish. Is it even spelled wrong?
Woman: No. He just forgot to take his meds and now the Jews are gonna come and kill you. And by “the Jews” he means himself.

–Organic food store, 19th & 3rd

Overheard by: Boo Radley

Blonde preteen with braces: You know what’s so weird? She’s black and converted to Judo-ism.
Friend: [annoyed stare] It’s Judaism.
Blonde: Potato, tomato. It’s all the same.

–7 train

Overheard by: your mom

Girl #1: It’s so cool that we get to ride the train all day for free.
Girl #2: Yeah, I guess so.
Girl #1: We should just ride it all day to like, take advantage.
Girl #2: Ha, ha! Oh my god, that’s so Jewish.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: October45

Law chick #1: I assume you passed the corporate accounting exam?
Law guy: Yeah, somehow. I couldn’t get the balance sheet to add up so I just added $130,000 in cash to assets to make it balance. It was a total Hail Mary but it worked…Wait, can you do a Hail Mary at a Jewish law school?
Law chick #2: Sure you can. There’s less interference.

–Cardozo School of Law, 12th & 5th

Girl: Excuse me, is you popcorn kosher?
Counter guy: Um…I, ah, I dunno.
Girl: Do you even know what kosher means?
Counter guy: Hey, Geraldo. Is our popcorn kosher?
Geraldo: What the fuck’s kosher?

–Loews 84th Street Theatre 6

Girl: Santa Claus is from Finland, you know.
Guy #1: Oh yeah?
Girl: Yeah, he’s not from the North Pole like you think he is…I know him, I can ask him about you.
Guy #1: Oh yeah? Well, have I been naughty all these years?
Girl: I don’t know, I’d have to go back and ask him.
Guy #1: Yeah, find out why I haven’t been getting presents all these years.
Guy #2: He’s Jewish.
Woman: Are you from Finland, then?
Girl: Yes.
Woman: Are you Santa Claus’ granddaughter, then?
Girl: Oh yeah, and we’re from the same town in Finland…and he’s not fake, he’s real!

–L train

Overheard by: Kaitie

Jewish man: But I was here first! I was waiting!
Black chick: All right sir, just calm down. It doesn’t matter. Get a life.
Jewish man: Why don’t you go back to jail?
Black chick: Yeah, and why don’t you go get some viagra or something?
Jewish man: Yeah, I’d need it for you.
Black chick: Fuck you, bitch!

–Court Street Office Supplies, Brooklyn Hights

Overheard by: mrmcd

Guy #1: She’s really religious, she even goes to a Jesuit school.
Girl #1: Oh! Like JTS?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: What? Isn’t Jesuit another word for Jewish? Like Orthodox or something?
Guy #1: Um, no.

–Columbia University

Jessica Cutler: Twelve of my last sixteen boyfriends were Jewish.

–Happy Ending, Broome Street