13‐year‐old boy #1: Don’t you remember that you told me my Bar Mitzvah was terrible?
13‐year‐old boy #2: When did I say that? I did not say nothing.
13‐year‐old boy #1: Don’t you remember? You were talking to Eileen and you said I made a lot of mistakes. Don’t blame me.
13‐year‐old boy #2: Don’t blame you? You’re blaming me! This is why we can’t get together. Now we can’t eat dinner together. We need conflict resolution.

–Barnes & Noble, 86th & Lexington

Chick #1: He’s so hot.
Chick #2: Eww.
Chick #1: What eww?
Chick #2: Um, he’s wearing a shirt that says “Spin my dreidel, and by dreidel I mean cock, and by spin I mean suck”.
Chick #1: That is a valid point.

–Asylum, Bleecker Street

Overheard by: djlindee 

Cocktail waitress #1: Wait… isn’t he gay?
Cocktail waitress #2: No, he’s married.
Cocktail waitress #1: Oh, I guess I was mistaking his Jewishness for gayness.

–Thom Bar

Dumb chick #1: What are those Jewish people with the curls called?
Dumb chick #2: I think they’re called “aesthetic Jews.” Or “hestetic Jews.“
Dumb chick #1: Oh. I though they were Amish.

–Elevator, Midtown Building

Overheard by: I know what they’re called

German tourist #1: We went to the Jewish Heritage Museum yesterday and the security was crazy! The metal detector reacted to the button of my jeans, they didn’t let me carry my bag, and I had to hand in my jacket as well. They didn’t even do that when we toured the UN building!
German tourist #2: Maybe you were just racially profiled.

–Staten Island Ferry

20‐ish girl seeing group of orthodox Jews walk by: Hey, look at all those Amish people! Oh, wait, are they Amish or acidic Jews?

–8th & Bedford

Overheard by: joe

Woman #1: Are you Jewish?
Woman #2: Do I look Jewish? No, I’m not Jewish. I wear pants.

–B1 bus

Woman: I’ve never seen so many cars out there.
Cashier: The Jewish people are praying.
Woman: Really?
Cashier: Yeah, I think tomorrow is the start of Ramadan.

–Wendy’s, Bensonhurst

JAP: I did the whole Manhattan/Long Island/Westchester Jew thing this year.
Guy: How’d that work out?
JAP: I think I’m going to cut that phase in my life.


Overheard by: A. Pincus

Headline by: Still got my original nose.

· “By Which I Mean the Inside Of My Thigh” — Tadzio
· “I Realized I Can Keep the Sense Of Entitlement Without All That Extra Work.” — stoobydoo
· “I Think Hitler Tried That Already.…” — Sarah Booz
· “I’ll Tell the Guy Who’s Ghost‐Writing My Autobiography Later Today” — Louis
· “JAP Code for I Was Slutty and Need an Abortion” — Casual Observer
· “Sort Of a “Lifestyle Bris”” — Chris

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Midwestern child: Daddy, what’s that candle thing?
Midwestern father: It’s called a menorah. They use it on Jewish Christmas.

Spamalot, Shubert Theatre, W 44th St