Young Hasidim selling menorahs: Are you Jewish?
Old WASP lady in fur coat, disgusted: What kind of question is that?!

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: Afrocurl

Guy: So I don’t get it…shouldn’t doctors be the ones who do circumcisions?
Girl: Um…they do.
Guy: Well I thought, you know, those guys in the robes with the altar and the ceremony…Oh wait, that’s baptism.

–Times Square

Guido: Excuse me, miss? Miss? Have I seen you in my church?
20-something girl: No.
Guido: No, no, I definitely saw you in my church. We go to the same one.
20-something girl, sighing: Sir… If I went to any house of worship, it'd be a synagogue. And I stay as far away from those as possible. Have a nice day now.
Guido: Aaaaawww, I liiike you!

–82nd & Broadway

Chinese girl: I just think it would be a little weird.
Jewish girl: Why?
Chinese girl: ‘Cause I’m not Jewish.
Jewish girl: What are you talking about? You’re Chinese. That’s practically Jewish.
Chinese girl: …True.


Girl: I want some of those sunglasses, you know… Raybaums?
Boy: You mean Raybans? Dude, you just made him Jewish!

–Houston, Texas

Overheard by: Molly

Girl: Look at the line at FAO Schwartz.
Guy: No honey, it’s FAO Schwarz. Schwarz. It’s like Schwartz, but without the Jew.

–58th & 5th

Overheard by: Jonas

What Good Is Money If It Can’t Insulate Me from Other People?

Hobo: I have not eaten anything in three days and it’s freezing out. Could you find it in your heart to help me out?
Chick: I won’t give you money, but I will go into that deli and buy you dinner.
Hobo: Thank you so much. But I’m Jewish and if you don’t mind, I would really like a kosher sandwich from Mendy’s.
Chick: Oh, forget it — here’s five bucks!

–34th & Park

Girl: Can Jews have sex on Shabbos?
Friend: Are you serious?
Girl: Well, I don't know! They can't drive cars, they can't carry money, they even have a special elevator for them in hospitals! What can they do?
Friend: Apparently, not drive to hospitals and pay people to have sex with them in elevators.

–77th & York

Ghetto black lesbian: Look, you are Time Magazine’s Person of the Year.
Jewish lesbian: That is so lame.
Ghetto black lesbian, picking up a card instead: What does ‘shalom’ mean? Does anybody know what ‘shalom’ means?
Jewish lesbian: You are asking the wrong Jew.
Ghetto black lesbian: What kind of Jew are you? What good are you?

–Duane Reade, Broadway & Reade

Overheard by: Just trying to buy some cards

JAP: I like, didn’t even know I had a middle name until my bat-mitzvah.

–53rd & 8th

Overheard by: Phil