Preteen girl on bike #1: Do you know which way we’re going?
Preteen girl on bike #2: This is 30th Avenue… Let’s go this way [points toward 43rd Street].
Preteen girl on bike #1: No! Don’t go down that street! That’s the sexual predator block!
–43rd St & Newtown Rd, Astoria
Overheard by: what do they know that i don’t?
Child when Ahmedinejad was in town: Mommy, is the bad man here yet?
Mom: He is, and we should all be very scared.
–Columbia University, 113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Tadi
First grader: My aunt is a lesbian… Both of them.
Tour guide: Are they happy?
First grader: Yes! Yes! Are you a happy lesbian?
–Cloisters Museum, Fort Tryon Park
Overheard by: angry-lettuce
Six-year-old girl, grabbing a Bud Light: Daddy, can I get this?
Four-year-old sister: Yeah, can I have one too, Daddy?
Dad: Not right now, but if you two are good, I’ll get you a keg later.
Mom: I’d be down for that.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jas
Mom, about man on train with flowers: Awww, he has flowers. They’re probably for his girlfriend.
Eight-year-old daughter: Mom, you never know! They could be for a boy.
–LIRR
Nine-year-old boy #1 looking at mannequin in sex shop: Batman! B
Nine-year-old boy #2: Batman — that’s so cool!
Nine-year-old boy #1: Bat-maaan! Bat-maaan!
–Orchard & Rivington
Overheard by: Amanda
Little boy to mail woman: FedEx is better than you!
–80th & West End
Little girl with hands on bull’s balls: Mommy, Mommy! Take a picture of me! I’m going to milk it!
–Wall St Bull
Four-year-old girl, referring to bull’s balls: Touch ’em, Daddy, touch ’em!
–Wall St Bull
Seven-year-old girl, hopping furiously on one leg: My legs are confusing me!
–Corson Ave, Staten Island
Overheard by: Matt
Young boy to mother: I wish you would stop blaming me for all of your life’s problems!
–40th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jay
11-year-old boy smiling mischievously: Mom, I’ve been desiring a lot lately.
Frazzled UES mom: Would you please stop doing that?
–80th & York
Overheard by: Nicole
Five-year-old: Ella, ella, ella, ella, ella, ella…
Suit dad: Alright, look! I don’t know what that means, but if it’s a bad word I want you to stop saying it!
–F train, 23rd St
Overheard by: EmLo
Headline by: Lou P.
Runners-Up:
· “Don’t Fucking Sensor Me, Daddy” – burnt toast
· “Gwen Stefani, Age Five, No Doubt.” – kerm
· “I’m Going to Keep Saying My Name Until You Learn It, Daddy” – Kate
· “Stick to Words I Know, Like “Cock-fag” or “Yankees”” – Louis
Eight-year-old: But Dad, why are we in the bookstore if we’re not buying books?
Dad: Because Daddy likes quiet places.
Eight-year-old: That sounds gay.
Dad, looking nervous: Shut up!
–Borders
Overheard by: Eyeoftherabbit
