Guy #1: I just need a few dollars to get on the train. I lost my wallet.
Guy #2: Sorry, I’m broke. I don’t have anything.
Guy #1: Everyone in this city is broke! No one wants to help anyone! They wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire!
–50th & Park
Overheard by: Ethan
Guy: Hey, you seen that movie Grizzly Man yet?
Girl: No, but I really really want to.
Guy: Yeah, it’s so good. Hey, you know they’re making a movie about the bear guy? Already! And guess who’s starring in it!
Girl: I dunno…
Guy: Leonardo da Vinci!
Girl: Who?
Guy: You know! Leonardo da Vinci! Leonardo da Vinci!
–New School elevator, 13th & 5th
Overheard by: Halli Civelek
Old woman: Did you hear what I said? Did you hear me?
Old man: I heard you, woman. But I can’t hear you now!
–116th & Lenox
Shopgirl: Can I help anyone with anything?
Man: Yeah, can you give me a lobotomy? ‘Cause I really need one.
Shopgirl: Sorry, no.
Man: C’mon, just bring out a sledgehammer!
–Magnolia Bakery, Bleecker Street
Guy #1: So what are you doing this weekend?
Guy #2: I am heading out for my niece’s birthday party.
Guy #1: Nice. Is she hot?
Guy #2: Well she’s only 3, but she has some cute 4 year old friends I could introduce you to.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Brian
Chick: Are you Jon Lovitz?
Jon Lovitz: Jealous?
–Union Square
Girl: I have to go to the doctor soon.
Guy: Why?
Girl: Because I can’t breathe.
Guy: That’s not good.
Girl: Yeah, my dad doesn’t think so either.
–Rubin Hall Residence, 5th Avenue
Cashier girl: You have more than 10 items.
White man: Who are you? Are you the items police?
Cashier girl: You’re only allowed to have 10 items.
White man: Fine, but I have two of the same items, so does that count as one item or two?
Cashier girl: I have to call the manager.
–D’Agostino, 76th & Lexington
Overheard by: Andrew Saint John Goodwin
Salesman#1: How do you pronounce this guy’s name?
Salesman#2: I’m afraid to try; I might chip a friggin’ tooth.
–Jacob Javits Center
Overheard by: willy k
Hobo: Spare some change?
Hipster dude: Uh, I gave some to the last guy.
Hobo: Hey man, this ain’t a unionized situation.
–34th & 7th
