Drunk guy: Lemme get a bacon, egg, and cheese.
Cashier: Sorry, we don’t have bacon.
Drunk guy: Can I have it on a bagel then?
Cashier: That’s not the problem. We don’t have any bacon.
Drunk guy: Can I just have a bacon, egg and cheese?
Cashier: Sir, there is no bacon, ok?
Drunk guy: Can I just have your number then?
–Dunkin’ Donuts, 83rd St.
Overheard by: Maunica
Girl #1: …so, my professor started talking about The Diary of Anne Frank.
Girl #2: Oh, Anne Frank! I used to love her! I had the diary, the notebooks and the pencils and everything.
Queer: What?
Girl #1: I think she means Lisa Frank.
–27th & 7th
Man: With this many books you are almost certain to make a mistake in your choice.
–The Strand
Overheard by: Jill A.
White guy #1: What’s she look like?
White guy #2: She’s really hot, she’s black.
White guy #1: You mean African-American.
White guy #2: No, I don’t.
White guy #1: But you said she’s black.
White guy #2: Right, she’s Sicilian. She’s neither African nor American.
White guy #1: Well, her family must have come from Africa at some point.
White guy #2: Yeah, like 1000 years ago.
White guy #1: Ok, then she’s African.
–39th & 3rd
Frat boy #1: Dude, you have, like, pills all over your counter. You have, like, a pharmacy on your counter, Dude. Why?
Frat boy #2: I don’t know. Wait, I don’t have pills all over my counter.
Frat boy #1: Yes, you do, Dude.
Frat boy #2: Oh, those…
–113th and Amsterdam
Overheard by: lotuseater
Black chick #1: You know what’s the funniest birthday card I ever read?
Black chick #2: What?
Black chick #1: “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, happy birthday to you, I hope you bust a nut.”
Black chick #2: Yeah, on your birthday you gotta cum.
–Duane Reade, Penn Station
Overheard by: Turby
White chick to black chick: That’s a cute bag. It would be, if it were real.
Black chick: Bitch, it ain’t fake, it’s stolen!
–14th & 8th
Guy: Remember when your shit was all yellow and shit? Remember that? What happened then?
Girl: I DON’T CARE!
–Broadway & Grand
Man: Miss! You are so beautiful! Your eyes! Your hair! Are you interested in modeling?
Chick: Uh–
Man: I love the way you walk. Imagine! Down a runway!
Chick: It’s because my heel is broken, you fuckhead.
–59th & Lexington
Overheard by: Passerby
Thirtysomething mom on cell: That boy of your is too fat. [Pause] Well, you keep feeding him hamburgers. That’s why he has titties. He’s an A-cup.
–M15 bus
