Woman #1: So you never finished telling me that story about whatshisname…Come over here and tell me while I dookie.
Woman #2: Uh…
Woman #1: What? Don’t act like I don’t tell you shit while you’re on the toilet!
–Port Authority ladies’ room
Overheard by: elizabeth kim
Woman: How’s the paella?
Waitress: It’s good. It comes with clams and the whole nine yards.
–Panchito’s, Macdougal St.
Girl #1: Jeez, that old woman just standing in the middle of the sidewalk, I wanted to push her.
Girl #2: You’re never too old to learn a lesson.
–Balthazar, Spring Street
Overheard by: zrd
College girl on cell: I need that like I need a dick in the ass.
Random guy: I can help with that.
Girl, to guy: I was … being metaphysical … metaphorical?
Guy: I’ll take it either way.
Girl: Yeah, sarcastic … what she said [points to phone].
Guy: Well, I was being serious.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Lizzerd
NYU chick: Don’t hug him, he did a very stupid thing today
Gay guy #1 goes to hug gay guy #2 anyway.
Gay guy #2: Ow, watch out. I waxed my whole chest this morning.
–Washington Square Park
Teen girl #1: You shouldn’t chew gum; it makes you stupider.
Teen girl #2: Oh yeah?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, I heard that somewhere.
Teen girl #2: Well, I heard somewhere that you’re an idiot. No, wait, that was right here.
–Stuyvesant High School, Chambers Street
Chick: We were trying to name all fifty states. And I was like, “Is Delaware a state?” and then three other people asked the same thing!
–36th & 8th
Overheard by: not minding my own business
(Actually, Delaware is a small town.)
Cropped girl #1: Why doesn’t Dawn have any other friends?
Cropped girl #2: Would you hang out with her?
Long-haired girl: Yes. She has long, shiny hair.
Cropped girl #1: Well, you are easier than other people.
Cropped girl #2: This is why she is our friend.
Long-haired girl: But neither of you has long, shiny hair.
Cropped girl #2: But I did when you first met me.
Long-haired girl: And that has held over.
–13th St & Ave A
Overheard by: Lola
Fashionista gets off elevator, bumping into guys on her way out.
Balding Greek guy: You know what she needs? A good dick up the ass, that’s what she needs!
Black guy: That’s what all them bitches need.
–1407 Broadway
Overheard by: Big Larry
Girl: She is so fucking dirty. I swear, whenever she touches her hair she has to wash her hands.
Guy: Or make fried chicken.
–52nd & 10th
