Little boy: Mommy! Mommy! Can we make our own baby tomorrow?
Flustered mom: What? No. What are you talking about?
Little boy: Can we make a baby? Please! Can we please make a baby?
Flustered mom: We’re not making a baby. Not tomorrow or any other day. No more babies. Ever.
–Century 21
Nine-year-old boy: Mom, are we done?
Mom: Yes, we just need to check out.
Nine-year-old boy: Yeah! We’re done! D-u-n, done!
–Duane Reade, 33rd & Broadway
Overheard by: themelancholydane
Little girl: You’re the most beautiful girl in the whole world! [Mom smiles.] You are.
Mom: I think you’re the most beautiful girl in the whole world.
Little girl: Only to you.
Mom, holding up girl’s art project: Actually, I think she’s the most beautiful girl in the whole world.
Little girl: No! She’s a princess bird-fish!
–F train
Overheard by: Actually, I’M the most beautiful girl in the world
Mother #1: These dolls are so adorable.
Mother #2: Yes, and there’s a wonderful verisimilitude at Target.
–American Girl store, 5th Ave
Overheard by: katicus
Woman to her crying child: A man is going to take you.
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Caitlin
Asian mom to child in stroller: You feel trapped? Well, so do I. Now you know how I feel.
–51st & 3rd
Mom to whining child: Too bad, so sad. Your mom looks like your dad.
–JFK
Mom on cell: Shut the hell up or you’re not going to choir camp…
–32nd & Lex
Woman with wailing baby: God, I wish I was high — you would be so funny right now!
–V train
Mom to screaming toddler: If you could stop doing that, I’d appreciate it.
–Ascan Ave & Queens Blvd
Overheard by: me too.
Mom: Please eat your dinner.
Brat: Mommy, you’re meaner than God.
–Restaurant, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Nikki Apostolou
Small girl: Mama, can we take off our shoes when we get to the park?
Mother: Absolutely not! I don’t trust parks.
–8th St & University Pl
Two-year-old boy, looking at dollar bill: Mama, is this Jesus on the money?
Mother: Well, sort of. He was like Jesus for America.
–Times Square
Overheard by: MeganMama
Mom holding dog’s leash: Matthew, when you throw a stick, I’m the one who has to run.
Six-year-old son, cheerfully: Okay!
–10th & 8th, Park Slope
Overheard by: EM
Father: Is he asleep over there?
Mother: Yeah, he’s dozing. [Looks at other son.] Are you asleep, too?
Son #2: I’m bored.
Mother: He’s always bored. I must’ve been bored when I made him. [Stands up and leans on father’s knee and starts humping.] I’m bored, I’m bored[yawns], I’m bored.
Father: That guy is looking at you.
Mother: So? He doesn’t look boring like you.
–Queens-bound F train
Overheard by: That guy on the F Train
Headline by: Jason
Runners-Up:
· “Charles and Diana Ride the Subway?” – Shawn
· “Most Priests Aren’t That Exciting” – Brock
· “They Don’t Call It the F Train for Nothing” – Sean McGurr
· “This Is the Express Train: From Boring to Whoring” – Sim Etrias
· “Try the Middle Leg….it’s Less Boring” – nicky c.
