Mother: Oh my god, close the goddamn window! Close it!
Kid: No! I’m hot!
Mother: I swear. Oh my god, close the window!
Kid: Nooo!
Mother, moving to adjacent seat: You know what? You [points to laughing stranger] — she’s your new mommy. Listen to her.
New mommy: Boy, close that window. Oh my god, close that window!
–M60 bus to LaGuardia
Overheard by: Kevo
Little girl: I can climb over fences. Did you know that?
Mom: I don’t want to know that.
–Manhattan School of Music Precollege
Headline by: Sarah Bella
Runners-Up:
· “Dora the Explorer Will Teach Anything” – I’m not racist, I swear.
· “Dr. Spock’s Missing Chapter: Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” – Barry Negrin
· “Razor wire: You can do it, Home Depot can help” – Sean S
· “You’ve been watching Daddy on COPS again, haven’t you?” – Bryan
· “Your Cage Got Mommy And Daddy Into A Lot Of Trouble” – JAG
Young boy witnessing bus crashing into car: That’s funny for us but not funny for them, right Mommy?
Mom: Yup, that’s right!
–Outside Hammerstein Ballroom
Overheard by: Mr. Jiggy
Mom: What are those?
Daughter: Sour Patch Kids.
Mom: Can I have one?
Daughter: No.
Mom: Why not?
Daughter: I paid for them.
Mom: And I gave you life. Now give me one.
–Near NYU
Overheard by: Nicole
Little girl in line: I can’t take this anymore. I’m going shopping [walks off to clothing store].
Mother: Whatever.
–Wo Hop restaurant
Overheard by: Cran
Young woman: I hate you. I hope your heart explodes in your chest right now.
Old woman: You’re just saying that because I tried to run you over.
Young woman: You are a terrible mother.
–Bank of America ATM, Broadway
Mom: Do you want to watch Over the Hedge when we get home?
Four-year-old boy: Yeah! But we can’t have popcorn. We already had popcorn today and it would be too much salt.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Dahlia
Calm mom to five-year-old: Please don’t lick your shoe.
Five-year-old: Mommy, can you wipe my mouth out?
Mommy: No, sweetie. We can’t wipe things out of our mouths. Honey, we don’t lick the bottoms of our shoes. It’s simply not the way we go about doing things. Do you understand that it’s not Mommy being mean? Look around. Do you see any other children’s mommies letting them lick their shoes? No, you don’t, because children who lick their shoes get sick and die.
Other five-year-old: I don’t lick my shoes!
–Murray & W Broadway
Little girl: If the teacher said if something was really, really good, would that make you really happy?
Mother: Yes.
Little girl: If the teacher said if something was good, would that make you happy?
Mother: Yes.
Little girl: If the teacher said something was sorta good, would that make you so-so?
Mother: Yes.
Little girl: If the teacher said something was bad, would that make you mad?
Mother: Yes.
Little girl: If the teacher said something was really bad, would that make you really mad?
Mother: It would make me sick!
–97th & 3rd
Overheard by: squid
Boy at screen door: Mom, can I come in?
Mom: Show me.
Boy: What?
Mother: Show me the money.
–Meserole Ave, Greenpoint
