Man: I mean, the fact is, it’s going to be very hard for you to find someone who fulfills your specific needs.
Woman: Yeah, I know.
Man: I mean, what you’re looking for, it’s like beyond brains. You want a man who understands auras and energy. I mean, face it, there’s not another guy on this whole car who gets that.
Woman: Mm-hmm.
Man: You know, you’re a good candidate for just settling.
–G train
Teen boy #1: So the other day I was watching TV and I said out loud, “Fuck, I wish I didn’t just eat all those Doritos.” And then I was like, “Wait, I didn’t just eat any Doritos.” And now I’m like, “Maybe I had one wish and I blew it on Doritos.” You know?
Teen boy #2: Damn, dawg. That sucks.
–D train
Hobo: Hi, My name is Sonny Page, I’m homeless and I’m hungry. If you don’t have it I understand ’cause I don’t have it. But if you could spare some money, food, a sandwich, I would really appreciate it.
Guy: Aw. Fuck, didn’t I give you change this morning? You’re still hungry?
–F train
Little girl: You know who has a weird name?
Mom: You mean an unusual name?
Little girl: Yes. The librarian. Her name is Constance.
Mom: Oh, that’s an old name, like yours: Sadie.
Little girl: But they’re bringing it back. I hear a lot of people in the park say, “Come, Sadie!” Especially to golden retrievers. That’s why I’m begging you to get me a dog.
–D train
Girl #1: Whoa, there’s a 7 train?
Girl #2: Yeah!
Girl #2: It’s purple, we have to take it!
–6 train
Overheard by: eliza tulip
Toddler boy: Wah! I want Mommy!
Babysitter chick: I want you to shut the fuck up.
–L train
Overheard by: RAZE ONE
Girl #1: Um, excuse me? Excuse me?…Excuse me, I need to get out here…Excuse me, I need to get out here.
Girl #2: Don’t fucking push me!
Girl #1: I said “excuse me,” you stupid fucking bitch! And by the way, your music sucks!
–L train
Overheard by: Lilit
Girl #1: She wouldn’t even take his name?
Girl #2: And she even refused to hyphenate? That’s ridiculous.
–6 train
Chick #1: Excuse me, ma’am, but would you mind moving your bag so that my son and I could sit next to each other?
Chick #2: Honestly? I just don’t feel like going through the motions right now.
–6 train
Overheard by: Anne O.
Girl: I don’t know if he’s straight or gay, I can’t tell.
Guy: You know that saying “innocent until proven guilty”? Well, everyone at Pratt is gay until proven straight.
–Hoyt-Schermerhorn station
Overheard by: Peter F.
