Girl #1: Unisex bathrooms are so weird.
Girl #2: I know. It’s so Euro.
Girl #1: In Europe they pee in holes.
–Element, Houston & Essex
Overheard by: krizia
Archive for the ‘Pee’ Category
Weird, I Thought People Only Urinated in Venice
20-something chick: That’s not urine. I know what urine smells like. I’ve lived in Florence.
–23rd & 8th
High-Motility Wednesday One-Liners
Professor: Skeet is when a man pulls out of the vagina or anus and has an orgasm on the man or woman. It’s also come to refer to the ejaculate itself.
–NYU classroom
Woman on cell: Nice. I just realized I’ve been wandering around with doughnut glaze stuck to my cheek like dried cum.
–44th & 8th
Sex ed teacher: The penis can’t urinate and, um, spermate at the same time.
–Berkeley Carroll School, Park Slope
Overheard by: i believe it’s ejaculate
Man on cell: I hired you to be a fucking porn director, not to make some artsy documentary! I mean, she’s supposed to get that on her face!
–Times Square
Woman to her Grizzly Adams-like companion: But, honey, you don’t have any sperm!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Marissa
Guy on cell: Yeah, I called the sperm bank and told them your test came back positive… Yeah, they said it was no big deal.
–114th & Amsterdam
Dude on cell: I just ordered some soup and am drinking tea, so we’re on the same page. Except about cum, it seems.
–Office, Midtown
Overheard by: Argopelter
Soylent Green Is Wednesday One-Liners!
Girl on cell: So I told her I didn’t think George Washington was a cannibal.
–Barnes & Noble, Staten Island
Overheard by: Marina Tricorico
Asian girl to friend: You know, if he really likes you, he’d eat you.
–Coles Sports Center
Overheard by: Alice Huang
Hysterical woman screaming at cops: She bit me! I did not touch her!
–84th & Broadway
Overheard by: rachel
Dude: Remember that crazy condo lady? She totally ate my ass on the first date.
–Chelsea
20-something guy on cell: have you ever tasted pee before?! Word?!
–Spring & W Broadway
Three-year-old girl: Daddy, I’m eating your eyeballs!
–R Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Wednesday One-Liners and the Pooper-Scooper
Hipster to her dog: You know, you really are the best pooper I know!
–Prince & MacDougal
Overheard by: Yann
Woman to dog: Why do you always have to pee on your paws? Oh, honey… Do not pee on your feet!
–12th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Thompson
Hispanic guy to his dog: What are you do – ? Why don’t you listen to me? What the hell — didn’t I tell you that is bad?!
–98th & Lex
Overheard by: Laughing my ass off
Queer to his yappy dog: No, no, no! You’ve already peed on that. You’ve peed on everything!
–28th St & 8th Ave
Woman to dog in baby talk: Yes, other people’s poo makes me very happy, yes!
–48th St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
The Two Would Go on to Become Lifelong Friends
Hobo to drunk with spilled beer on lap: Hey man, got any spare change?
Drunk: Sorry man, I just peed myself.
Hobo: Happens to the best of us.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Ray
Even More Now that I Know She Pees in Hobo Jars!
NYU ditz #1: So, this hobo on the train is selling Paris Hilton’s urine as perfume! It was all yellow in a jar and he was like, ‘Yeah, she took a piss and I’ve got it to sell — 20 bucks a pop.‘
NYU ditz #2: No freaking way — what did it smell like?
NYU ditz #1: Like urine — I just can’t believe he collected her urine… [Baffled pause] You think it was really hers? I love Paris Hilton!
–Starbucks corner, Washington Square
Already Taken Care Of
Clerk #1: Did you know that there are a whole bunch of copies of Atlas Shrugged in the Bestsellers section?
Clerk #2: Yeah.
Clerk #1: Is it okay if I pee on them?
–Info desk, Strand Bookstore
Pity the Woman Who Lets a Gay Man Decorate Her Junk
Girl #1: So, Matt* is back with Della*.
Queer: Even though her vagina smells funny?
Girl #2: I need to pee, y’all.
–1 train
Overheard by: Dan
See, Look at the Wet Spot on My Pants!
Little boy #1, on field trip: I have to pee!
Little boy #2: I have to pee too!
Teacher: We’ll be near a bathroom soon.
Little girl: Boys don’t need potties! Only girls need potties!
–Central Park
