Worker: So, where are you from?
Asian guy: Ummm, Fresh Meadows, Queens.
Worker: No, really, where are you from? Like, overseas?
Asian guy: Taiwan.
Worker: Oh. How do you say ‘Hi’?
Asian guy: Ni hao.
Worker: That’s like the same as Chinese right?
Asian guy: Yeah.
Worker: Is it because the countries are really close?
–OMG store, Soho
Overheard by: Larry Liou
Boy looking at action figures in window: Which of these do you like best?
Girl: I’m not sure… Definitely not George Bush.
Boy, pointing to Albert Einstein: I don’t like him. He invented the atomic bomb and killed loads of people.
–Times Square
Lady suit #1: Yeah, I’ve always been a sun worshiper.
Lady suit #2: And how does your son feel about that?
–34th & 9th
Overheard by: solar spiritualist
Man: I bet you’re hot to trot to get back to school
Girl: No, not really. My dad will be driving me.
–Rolling Hills Park, Staten Island
Girl #1 after crossing street during “Don’t Walk” sign: Oooh, I’m like a New York City resident!
Girl #2: Why? Because you walked into oncoming traffic?
Girl #1: That’s what they do!
–8th & Broadway
Woman #1: I was supposed to go to Detroit tonight.
Woman #2: How far is that?
Woman #3: Eight hours, right? ‘Cause it’s, like, eight hours to Miami.
Woman #1: But Detroit’s in Chicago, not Florida.
Woman #3: Oh, yeah.
–Bowery
Bimbette #1: Do you have sucking candy?
Bimbette #2: No, but I have gum.
Bimbette #1: I don’t want gum — I don’t want to chew and use my brain.
–LIRR
Overheard by: pbq
Girl cooing at boyfriend: You know, I just wanted a mature guy — they’re so rare! And you’re very mature in your outlook.
Boyfriend: I am mature. I’m glad you see th– Oh, look — Playboy Enterprises!
–5th Ave
Man to waiter making tea: Hey, you know how many Mexicans it takes to make iced tea? None! Because you’re not Mexican! Ha!
Waiter: Why would you say that? I am Mexican.
–Mike’s Café, Brooklyn
Queer black man #1: I am stupid, dumb, and crazy.
Queer black man #2: Mmm-hm.
Queer black man #1: But I am not slow. I never was.
Queer black man #2: You never were.
Queer black man #1: I never was.
Queer black man #2: It’s ‘were. I never were.’ I was an English major.
Queer black man #1: It’s, ‘I never was.’ I went to school. You’re speaking some sort of crazy… some crazy Ebonics language.
Queer black man #2: Bitch, you stupid, dumb, and crazy.
Queer black man #1: Mmm-hm, that’s right.
–M10 bus, 110th & CPW
Overheard by: A former English minor, weeping.
