Stupidity

Then I Can’t Help You because You’re Not Real

Brit: Hello, my HSBC debit card isn’t working at the ATM. The bank probably thinks there’s fraudulent activity since I’m in America and not in England.
Teller: Okay, I’ll check it out… I can’t seem to find your account, sir. What’s your social security number?
Brit: Huh?
Teller: Your social security number — do you not have one?
Brit: No…
Teller: Hmmm. Okay…

–HSBC, 40th & 5th

Overheard by: Rachel W.

Headline by: have SSS #, am real

Runners-Up:
· “…Then Please Sing the National Anthem.” – pbump
· “How About Your Penis Size, Then?” – Mikey G.
· “I’ve Contacted Homeland Security. Enjoy Syria.” – Daniel Patterson
· “Okay I Need You to Fill Out IRS Form W-7 and Apply for a Tax Id Number and Then Come Back to This Counter in 4-6 Months.” – Ty

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

“We Will Never…” Uhhh… Um…

Tourist #1: It was pretty cold, I remember… It was in January, right?
Tourist #2: It was September, you moron! September 11th!

–Ground Zero

Or Maybe I’ll Just Get a Divorce and a New Job

Suit #1, looking down at subway tracks: Man, you’ve got like a foot and a half of empty space there! Come on, how much would you do it for?
Suit #2: Lie down under a train?!
Suit #1: Yeah, man!
Suit #2: One hundred dollars.

–6 train platform, Grand Central

Overheard by: Christine

Many New Yorkers Are So Rude They’re Not Allowed to Travel

Tourist dad with family, bumping into another tourist family: Excuse us! Thank you!
Other family’s tourist dad: Ugh! Rude New Yorkers!
Nearby cop, to both: You do realize you’re both tourists, right?

–48th & 5th

Overheard by: dan.j.w.

The Rats Commute Home to Jersey

Southern woman pointing at rat on tracks: Look, it’s going to get run over! I’ve never seen a rat on the tracks before! [Pointing at holes in the track wall] Look, they made homes for the rats!
Local guy: Those are for ventilation.

–14th St station

Overheard by: Jennifer

I’m Regretting Removing the Tape from Your Mouth

Guy: You know — it’s Dow Jones and NASDAQ.
Girl: Who are they? Those guys that died?

–14th & Park Ave South

The Way They Speak French and All

Chirpy girl #1: Oh my god! They have peonies! How cute! I love peonies!
Chirpy girl #2: Me, too! Oh, wow, how cute!
French woman #1: Ooh-la-la… La pivoine! Pour le garçon?
French woman #2: Oui, oui.
Chirpy girl #1: Oh my god! It’s an Italian! I love Italians!
Chirpy girl #2: Oh, wow! Me, too! Italians are so cute!

–Farmer’s Market, Union Square

When Even Nerds Get Age-Vain, What Chance Do We Have?

Pushing-40 nerd #1: Dude, the Matrix trilogy is like the original Star Wars trilogy for my generation.
Pushing-40 nerd #2: Whatever, man. Dude, you’re, like, 38. The original Star Wars trilogy is the Star Wars trilogy of your generation.
Pushing-40 nerd #1: Fuck you.

–Javits Center

This Must Be That “New York Flair” We’ve Been Hearing So Much About

Ghetto girl crossing against the light, as cabbie honks: Dat’s right! Dat’s right! Dat’s right! Hit me! I needs the fuckin’ money!
Brit tourist, waiting for ‘Walk’ light: Oh, how charming.

–32nd & 7th

Overheard by: Just Trying to Make My Train

We’re Only Conformist about Keeping Kosher

Blonde: Do you have a first name?
Freakishly tall pale kid: Yes.
Blonde: Do you have a last name?
Freakishly tall pale kid: Yes.
Blonde: Do you have a middle name?
Freakishly tall pale kid: No.
Blonde: Well, I wanna annoy you. What’s your conformation name?
Freakishly tall pale kid: I’m Jewish.
Blonde: So?

–21st & 1st

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