Stupidity

Hungry & Retarded: Terry Schiavo’s Last Dream

Lady: So if I get the eggs, what does that come with?
Waiter: Potatoes, toast…
Lady: What kind of potatoes?
Waiter: French fries.
Lady: What other kind of potatoes do you have?
Waiter: Mashed potatoes, baked potato…
Lady: Oh, those don’t go with eggs. Well, since it’s extra you can leave it off.
Waiter: The potatoes come with the eggs.
Lady: Can I substitute bacon?
Waiter: I can bring you a side of bacon.
Lady: How many strips come in a side, two or three?
Waiter: Three.
Lady: Can I just have two?

–University Restaurant, University Place

Remember to Not Waste Time Voting Today

Candidate lady: Hi! I’m running for City Council. I like your shirt. What does the C on it stand for?
Preppy girl: It stands for Crunk.

–1st & Houston

Son: What are they handing out?
Mom: They are trying to get people to vote for them.
Son: For Survivor?

–95th & 3rd

A Bug-eyed Skeleton

Girl #1: You know Nicole Richie’s boyfriend?
Girl #2: DJ AM?
Girl #1: Yeah, what does he do?

–4 train

Overheard by: guy cimbalo

That’s the Chef’s Name; He Makes His Own

Woman: What kind of dressing do you put on the caesar salad?
Counter guy: Caesar.

–Tossed, Rockefeller Plaza

Note That These People Have the Vote

Girl: I don’t know who Jim Crow is. Who’s Jim Crow?
Guy: I don’t know…I think he was a sailor.
Girl: Oh yeah.

–Brooklyn Museum

Maybe the Oompa Loompas Can Tell Us

Woman: Why are there always those hippie wierdos at Union Square Park?
Man: Oh, you mean the ones that play hacky sack all day?
Woman: Yeah, those people.
Man: And those people who sell their artwork on the sidewalk…
Woman: Yeah, exactly! You see them all over Union Square.
Man: Well, it’s clear where they come from.

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Overheard by: Jennifer Cee

“Yeah, the second Jaws 2: Jaws 3.”

College guy #1: Yo, do you know who directed Jaws 2?
College guy #2: Yeah. Oh wait, you mean the second one?

–23rd & 3rd

Overheard by: Matthew Pollock

Another Northeast Ultraliberal Senator for President

Skater boy #1: I’ve got an idea, but I don’t want to tell you.
Skater boy #2: Aw come on, tell me. I won’t steal it.
Skater boy #1: I don’t think you’ll steal it. It’s just that it’s so stupid I don’t want to tell you.

–56th between 5th & 6th

She was the One in the Wheelchair, Idiot

Dude #1: …This girl was so fucking hot. I went up to her and asked her if she wanted to dance. She said, “I don’t dance” and I said, “I don’t either.” But she was like, “Sorry, I really don’t dance. I’m not, like, rejecting you or anything.” So I went back towards the stage and kept dancing.
Dude #2: Okay.
Dude #1: Then, after the next song, I went up to her and asked her to dance again and she said no, but she kinda smiled at me like she thought it was cute.
Dude #2: So?
Dude #1: So, after the show, I hung around to try to talk to her.
Dude #2: What happened?
Dude #1: I don’t know. I got too drunk and forgot what she looked like.
Dude #2: You’re a fucking moron.

–6 train

I’m Ashamed to Be a Woman, Wednesday One-liners

Girl: Ugh. I hate it when guys come up to me and start talking about current events. Like I care. I just dismiss them.

–Queens College

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