Stupidity

Mom #1: Did your husband take any time off when you had your baby?
Mom #2: Well, it was right after Sept. 11th, so his office was closed for 3 or 4 weeks.
Mom #1: Oh, that’s wonderful!

–F train

Chick #1: Is that your cell phone ringing?
Chick #2: Julie, those are birds.

–Central Park tennis courts

Overheard by: Susan Vrona Bijina

Little girl: Do I have to shave all over my body when I grow up? Where will I have to shave most? Where don’t I have to shave? Tell me, you’re old, you should know.

–New York Hall of Science, Flushing

Overheard by: Ting

NYU Chick: 2G? Does that mean it’s on the ground floor?

–11th between Broadway and University

Woman: Would it help to keep a couple dead deer lying around to scare the other ones away?

–Union Square Greenmarket

Guy: My life is beginning to feel distinctly like the Special Olympics.

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: Nick Bremer

Dude: All I’m wearing is the clothes on my back.

–D train

Fratboy: Yo, I’m pretty sure only the retarded baby survived!

–Cozy Cafe, 1st Street

Fat guy #1: Yeah, she’s from Italy, she went to Venus to visit her grandmother.
Fat guy #2: Venus? How do you get to Venus?
Fat guy #1: Gondola.

–Grand Central food court

Overheard by: Muffy St. Jacques

Cheryl: I can’t believe he called me a bitch in a meeting with all of those people! I didn’t know what to do!
Bitch: Cheryl, being called a bitch isn’t an insult; it’s applause. It means he didn’t have anything really bad to say.

–23rd Street F station

Guy on cell: You’ve got the best job: being a mom.

–42nd between 6th & Madison

Woman: …maybe because I got my period in the 4th grade and looked like everybody’s mother by the 6th grade. I was huge.

–27th street office

Mom: Now, this is not the Louvre, so don’t be jaded or anything.

–Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: Cat Pop

Drunk: If a woman hadda right to choose where I come from, I wouldn’t be here today!

–Odessa Cafe, Avenue A

Overheard by: Ted Lattis

Chick: I saw my mother on stage in underwear and a bra with motorized tassels…

–13th & 5th

Overheard by: Caroline Norris

Drunk woman on cell: It’s been Tuesday all day! And tomorrow’s gonna be Tuesday too!

–St. George, Staten Island

Overheard by: johnny

Teen girl: So, if I didn’t pass a drug test, does that mean I, like, failed?

–Pratt

Southern girl: …so I asked her what the “M” on her bag stood for. She was all, “It stands for Margaret, ’cause it’s my name.” And I was all, “Oh, yeah, that makes sense. I keep forgettin’, ’cause we been calling you Maggie.”

–7 train

Overheard by: ProcrastYNate

Asian woman: Excuse me, what time is the 7:17 train?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Adman

British parks guy: Yeh, fishin’ shit outta pools like this is me specialty.
Dude: Yeah, that’s great, but our frisbee is stuck in a tree.
British parks guy: Throwin’ yer frisbee at the birds, eh? You better make sure they don’t come after ye in yer dreams and peck yer fuckin’ eyes out.

–Central Park

Overheard by: NG

White guy: You know, on the Tokyo subways they have people who push passengers onto trains. Uh, have you ever been to Tokyo?
Asian guy: No.
White guy: Oh. Are you Japanese?
Asian guy: No.
White guy: Oh. Where you from?
Asian guy: Queens.

–N train

Overheard by: Rich