Student: Um, sir, don’t you have to divide through by X?
Elderly math teacher: I have no idea what you just said, but I’m sure it was provocative.
–Stuyvesant High
Student: Um, sir, don’t you have to divide through by X?
Elderly math teacher: I have no idea what you just said, but I’m sure it was provocative.
–Stuyvesant High
Flamboyant queer: Oh my god, the black security guards complimented my moves! That’s like the Nobel Prize of dancing!
Fag hag: I don’t think Nobel Prizes work that way…
–Stuyvesant High
Young English teacher: So, what are the physically detrimental effects of plagiarism?
Student #1: Well, if you have very strict parents and you get caught, then they might skin you.
Student #2: Or if you copy it off your friend and get caught, they might skin you, too.
Young English teacher, excitedly: Right! Plagiarism can lead to mass skinnings.
–Stuyvesant High
Young English teacher: Yeah, so it takes me about 10 minutes to walk from my apartment to the subway, and on the way there’s this homeless guy on the corner who is always getting really angry at some invisible person. Then he disappeared for, like, two weeks, and I’m like, ‘Oh, he must’ve died — that’s so sad,’ but then he came back and I was like, ‘Okay, cool.’
Student: What does this have to do with The Odyssey?
Young English teacher: You guys really need to focus.
–Stuyvesant High
Drunk teen: Kill me, please.
Sober teen: No, you have the SATs next month.
–Stuyvesant High
Boy #1, reading from art textbook: ‘They also built pleasure palaces’?!
Girl: What? Lemme see!
Boy #2, laughing with the others: Yeah, alliterations. They get me every time.
Boy #1: Um, we were actually referring more to the sexual innuendo.
Boy #2: … I think alliterations are funny.
Girl: Freak.
–Stuyvesant High
Overheard by: you haven’t seen her around similes
Teen boy #1: Yo, we should go to the bellydancing tree-house today.
Teen boy #2: I hope you meant tryouts.
–Stuyvesant High School
Asian guy: The freshman at Stuyvesant are more attractive than the sophomores this year.
Asian girl: That’s because they lowered the standards for them last year. And dumber people are obviously way hotter than smarter ones.
–Tasty Dumplings, Chinatown
Stoner #1: I dare you to snort this pixie stick.
Stoner #2: But I only have a five dollar bill.
Stoner #1: So, what’s the problem?
Stoner #2: Dude, you can’t snort with a five dollar bill. That’s just wrong. It has to be at least a twenty. God, have some dignity.
–Stuyvesant High School
Guy: Yeah, it’s like all three of our neurons are coming together right now.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Phe
