Wednesday One-Liners for LeVar Burton

Chipper, young, possibly gay guy with afro to random woman, after switching seats and moving closer: Sorry to bother you, but I just had to tell you this. I have this book of all these, like, African kings and queens and princesses and stuff. And I just had to tell you that you look just like one of the African queens in it. Like, just like her! Oh, I wish I had the book with me! I would show her to you.

–Q Train

Overheard by: katiek

Super-irate hippie chick in braids, yelling on cell: Thanks to you, everyone thinks I'm a fucking freak. Everyone looks at me like I'm fucking Pearl from the fucking Scarlet Letter!

–Court St & Bergen

Overheard by: Siobhan

Young deli clerk on phone, in confidential tones: William Shakespeare! Shakespeare!

–4th Ave & Bergen St, Boerum Hill

Cockeyed old man in hat to Strand employee: Where are the regular books?

–Strand Bookstore, 12th St & Broadway

Annoying rich girl to friend: So I got a library card so I can read more, but then I realized that I don't like used things and I stopped going.

–Bookstore, 71st St & Lexington

Girl (outside of her AP English classroom): Wait…Huck Finn never had syphilis!

–Stuyvesant High School

Woman to friend helping her find a book: You don't have to worry about giving away the ending. I know what happens to those six million people.

–The Strand

Posted on October 22, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hippies, History & Geography, Hitler/Nazis, Money & Class, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Rich people, STDs, Store, Stupidity, Stuyvesant, Stuyvesant Town, The Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

It's Like Blackboard Jungle Over There!

Elderly math teacher: By god, you can't just hand me any mangled piece of paper you want! What do you think this is, the Bronx High School of Science?
Geeky kid #1: Oooh, that's mean.
Geeky kid #2: Well, at least he didn't say Brooklyn Tech. They have cameras everywhere, and if you dis them, they'll take out their gun and be all, “What did you say about my school?”
Geeky kid #1: You just made that up.
Geeky kid #2: I wish.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by:

Posted on September 18, 2008
Battery Park, Compare/Contrast, Default, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Education, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Violence, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

I Sell Myself Magic Beans Every Morning

Mr. Smith* (lifting student's backpack) That's overloaded. You need to get a boyfriend to carry that for you.
Student: I don't need a boyfriend.
Mr. Smith: Then find some sucker to carry it for you.
Student: I'm my own sucker!

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: The Happy Hippie

Posted on August 31, 2008
Advice, Battery Park, Default, Diet/Weight, Offers and requests, Relationships, Students, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness

Man's Best Wednesday One-Liners

Man: So I was making out with my ex girlfriend on the bridge and out of nowhere this dog runs over and starts humping my leg…

–Uptown 1 Train

Dude outside bar: All dogs are gay.

–7th Avenue, Park Slope

Overheard by: The Katie

Black man arguing with kiosk man: Yo, he ain't my son, he's my dog!

–6th Street

Middle-aged woman walking her dog to passersby: I'm a dog! I don't know why none of you believe me! I talk to my dog. Humans don't talk to animals, animals talk to animals! I'm not human! And until you people realize that, you're going to keep having problems with me!

–9th St & University Place

Overheard by: Katie

Drunk guy to girls walking puppy: Hey giiirl. Watch yo dawg. Giiirl! Watch yo dog… Cuz I might bite!

–Staten Island Boardwalk

Overheard by: Izzy

(teacher's cell rings)
Teacher: I have a feeling I have to answer this. It's very important. It's about my puppy.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: student

Posted on August 27, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Black People, Crazies, Crazy, Customers, Drunks, Family Ties, Fears, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Men, On the Subway, Park Slope, Sexuality, Staten Island, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Threats, We Love Our Pets, Women

Those Who Can’t Do, Wednesday One-Liner

English teacher: Alright class, let us come together and share our lists of literary terms. (pause) Just so we’re clear, "Lolcat" is not a literary term.

–Stuyvesant High School

Math teacher: Does everyone get why I can just get rid of the 8 in this equation? Because I’m just looking for an answer. (takes a deep sigh) …Aren’t we all?

–Hunter College High School

Math teacher: We might start this unit tomorrow–maybe not. Depends on how my jury duty goes. I just need to keep convincing them that I have no faith in the criminal justice system.

–Hunter College High School

Teacher: No excuses, we do not climb the walls!

–PS 234

Overheard by: sjhaughty

English teacher: It was the year after they invented college and I was in college…

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

English teacher: I love going to the supermarket because I love scaring little kids. I’ll be like: "Hellooo little boy," and he’ll run away screaming. Ah, I love shopping.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

Posted on June 25, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Crime and Punishment, Education, Fast Times at New York High, Fears, Hunter, Kids, Questions, Science, Shopping, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness, Words

I’ve Heard They Have Over 100 Different Words for It

Girl: I never read Ragtime.
Guy: Really? I enjoyed it very much.
Girl: Well, I tried to read it, but my older sister saw me with it and freaked. She took it away and was all “There are Eskimos masturbating in this!”
Guy: Well, they need to have fun too, you know.

–Stuyvesant High School

Posted on June 22, 2008
Books & Writing, Default, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Masturbation, Race, Stuyvesant

Wednesday One-Linerzzzz….zzzzzz…zzz…zzzzz…

Petulant child: Speed walking is boring! I want to be myself!

–1st Ave & 5th St

Awkward teen boy to friend: It was really boring until I got laid.

–66th & Broadway

Chick on cell: How is pantylessness ever boring?

–113th b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Young art history teacher: So basically, I like to lecture the whole first class and bore the hell out of them. That way, everything I say afterwards is interesting!

–74th & Madison

Overheard by: Erin Partridge

Short girl to lab partner: Sometimes, when I’m bored, I become a tuning fork. (slowly hits herself on the head) Diiiing!

–Chemistry Lab, Stuyvesant High School

Posted on June 18, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Education, Friends, Kids, On Cell, Sex, Students, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Whereas “Friction” Is Steamy Molecular Sex

Male physics teacher (with accent): Does anybody know what induction is?
Female student: I know!
Male physics teacher (with accent): What is it?
Female student: No touchy-touchy!
Male physics teacher (with accent): Exactly!

–Stuyvesant High School

Posted on June 16, 2008
Battery Park, Default, Education, Girls, Guys, Questions, Science, Students, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Words

Candy Is Dandy; To Lick Her Is Quicker

Girl #1: I think Inna still gets a little embarrassed when we have sexy-time.
Girl #2: Do you think that deep in her heart she is not a lesbian?
Girl #1: I dunno… But–
Girl #2: Remember the twizzler incident! The twizzler incident!

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Penneh

Posted on May 3, 2008
Advice, Battery Park, Default, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Lesbians, Questions, Sexuality, Stuyvesant, Words