Tourist: Excuse me, can you tell us how to get to downtown?
Local: Downtown where?
Tourist: Times Square.
–N/Q uptown platform, Canal St
Tourist: Excuse me, can you tell us how to get to downtown?
Local: Downtown where?
Tourist: Times Square.
–N/Q uptown platform, Canal St
Tourist #1: This is the entrance, that’s the exit! You need to wait your turn in line to get out the right way.
Tourist #2, plowing through gate: Pshhh. Tourists!
–Times Square station
Overheard by: Ava
Girl #1 after crossing street during “Don’t Walk” sign: Oooh, I’m like a New York City resident!
Girl #2: Why? Because you walked into oncoming traffic?
Girl #1: That’s what they do!
–8th & Broadway
20-ish female tourist: My feet are killing me. I shouldn’t have worn heels.
20-ish boyfriend: Heels aren’t that bad. I wore them and a dress for a play in eighth grade.
20-ish female tourist: My dad loves dressing up as a woman.
–C train, Port Authority
Guy who just got empty seat: My day just went from good to great!
Tourist lady: Oh? Why was it good?
Guy: I got to hug my therapist and talk about bogus relationships.
Tourist lady: [Stunned silence.]Guy: TMI?
Tourist lady: Ummm, yes [giggles nervously and turns away].
–6 train, Grand Central
Overheard by: Christine
Tourist kid: Look! The Empire State Building!
Tourist mom: Where? I don’t see it.
tourist kid: The big, pointy one!
Tourist mom: Oooh, let’s take a picture!
Passerby: That’s the Chrysler Building, you fucking niggers.
–Outside NYC Public Library
Overheard by: johnny salami
Tourist chick, in front of Jackson Pollock painting: What does it mean?
Friend: I want that color on my wedding cake.
–MoMA
Sales girl: Oh, we only have wrapping paper for cashmere items.
Tourist lady buying wallets: You mean I’m going to have to wrap these myself? Like a normal person?
–Marc by Marc Jacobs
10-year-old boy tourist: When are we going to eat?!
Teen brother: Shut up!
10-year-old boy tourist: I don’t have to shut up! I’m in New York!
–57th & 6th
Overheard by: Rick
Tourist #1: It was pretty cold, I remember… It was in January, right?
Tourist #2: It was September, you moron! September 11th!
–Ground Zero
