We Took the Trail to Get Here

College girl #1: Which way to the Eiffel Tower?
Suit, puzzled, pointing East: That way?
College girl #2: How far is it?
Suit: … About three thousand miles.
College girl #1: No! No! [Makes peak with fingertips of both hands.] The… Eiffel… Tower!
Suit: Yeah, that way about three thousand miles — across the Atlantic Ocean — in Paris.
College girl #2, also making peak with hands: No! No! It’s a… It’s a… The Empire State Building!
Suit, pointing at looming Empire State Building: The Empire State Building is right there.
College girl #2: You have to excuse us — we’re from Oregon.

–45th & 5th

Posted on March 8, 2008
Default, Directions, Girls, Global Geography, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Students, Stupidity, Suits, Tourists

But First Can We Talk about How There Are No Batteries in This Park?

Tourist #1: This artist is just making crap up. He’s painting shit that isn’t even there.
Tourist #2: What?
Tourist #1: See that skyline he’s working on? He’s painted in two skyscrapers that aren’t even there!
Tourist #2: Fuck, he heard you — run!

–Battery Park

Overheard by: kiwibloke

Posted on March 6, 2008
Battery Park, Default, Gripes, Stupidity, Tourists, Violence, Visual Art

Outside, They Stepped in Flaming Bum Dung

Tourist woman #1, staring up at glass elevators in atrium: Oh my god, look at that!
Tourist woman #2, gasping: Oh my god!
Tourist woman #3: Wow! Will you look at that!
Tourist woman #2: They got those lights on ’em! It’s like The Matrix or something!
Tourist woman #1: Where’s Martha*?
Tourist woman #2: I think she’s over looking out the window.
Tourist woman #1: Okay… I guess we should go get her. [All stare silently for a moment.]Tourist woman #3, reluctantly tearing her eyes away: Come on.
Tourist woman #1: Yeah, okay. Wow.
Tourist woman #2: Yeah.

–8th floor lounge, Marriott Marquis, Times Square

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on March 1, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Hotels, Music, Tourists, Women

Upon Hearing This, Several New Yorkers Burst into Flames

Elderly tourist: This place is amazing. Exactly like Louisville.
Female companion: Yep. New York’s just like Louisville.

–W 4th & Greene

Posted on February 29, 2008
Comebacks, Compliments, Default, Old People, Tourists, U.S. Geography, West Village, Women

What? The Native Americans Love That Joke

Security guy: Where you from?
Tourist: Amsterdam.
Security guy, gesturing broadly to the view: This was once all yours!

–Empire State Building

Posted on February 25, 2008
Default, Empire State Building, Foreigners, Global Geography, History & Geography, Security Guards, Tourists

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer Omaha

Tourist girl to another: Oh my god, yes! Yeah, we’ll just walk back. Times Square is like a couple blocks away.

–11th St

Tourist, about Rent: Is this show always about Christmas time? Because I know there are some shows that they update for each season.

–Nederlander Theatre

Tourist lady: Tree! Where are you?

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Robert

Tourist, navigating crowds: Oh my god! I, like, feel like Anne Frank.

–49th & 8th

Overheard by: Claustrophobic

Tourist: Where’s a Duane What’s-his-nuts when you need it?

–45th & 8th

Overheard by: Ben Smith

Tourist girl: … Are we in a dungeon?

–Track 4, Penn Station

Posted on February 20, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Girls, Gripes, History & Geography, Midwesterners, NYC Geography, Penn Station, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Shopping, Stupidity, The Village, Theater, Tourists, Trees and plants, Women, Yeaaahhh College!

Just Blessed with a Lovely Contralto

Hobo, singing: If you want my body, and you think I’m sexy, baby won’t you tell me so?
Tourist woman: You go, girl!
Hobo: Yo! I’m a guy!

–R train

Posted on February 9, 2008
Gender issues, Hobos, Music, On the Subway, Tourists

Why Old Friends Are So Important

Tourist lady #1, about Barbara Walters nearby: Wow. She looks young.
Tourist lady #2: Please — she’s got makeup on.

–47th & 8th

Overheard by: Dan

Posted on February 9, 2008
About Celebrities, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Tourists

I Don’t Know Nothin’ ’bout Birthin’ No Movie

Tourist: What’s the name of the movie?
Busy cameraman: Gone with the Wind, Part Two.
Tourist, walking away: Well, that’s a smart-ass answer.

–Movie set, 53rd & Broadway

Overheard by: crew sympathizer

Posted on January 25, 2008
Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Tourists

Her Kids Shop at Hot Topic and Think They’re Badass

Tourist #1: Hmmm, I want to eat someplace funky…
Tourist #2: What about that? That looks funky.
Tourist #1: Mmm, no… Oh, look — Cosi! Sandwiches, wine, and dessert. Now that looks funky. Let’s go be crazy.

–50th & Broadway

Overheard by: CrazyMickey

Posted on January 24, 2008
Food, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Tourists

Tourists