Tourist #1: Guys… The floor is sparkling!
Tourist #2: Ooooooooooh!!!
–Times Square
Tourist #1: Guys… The floor is sparkling!
Tourist #2: Ooooooooooh!!!
–Times Square
Tourist to comedy show hawker: Knock-knock.
Comedy show hawker: Um… Who’s there?
Tourist: I hate comedy. [He walks away.]
–Times Square
Random guy, singing loudly: Leeeesbian seagull!
–South Street Sea Port
Overheard by: Ger-Man in New York
Thug: Shit! I have to get my teacher a present. Its so hard. She’s like butch… You know what I’m saying? Shes got short hair and don’t wear earrings -like that chick [points to a woman who can obviously hear the conversation and looks affronted.] Yeah lady, you like the pussy!
–F Train
Drunk girl: You wanna know why I’m a lesbian? When I was crawling out of my mothers vagina I tasted that shit. And that shit was good. I just had to keep going back for more.
–Odessa’s, Ave A
Overheard by: Dannia Alfonso
Hardcore lesbian tourist #1 to hardcore lesbian tourist #2: Hey! Beaver Street! Let’s eat down there.
–Beaver St , Hanover Square
Overheard by: WallStGuy
Black teen punk girl, arguing with boyfriend: No, I’m gonna go become a lesbian now. Big. Huge. Les. Bo.
–V Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Buff guy: But now they’ll know I’m a lesbian.
–Christopher & Bleecker
Overheard by: Colleen
Tourist: This is New York. Nothing happens fast here.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Get out of my way – I’m in a hurry
Empowered shopper: I have a cart. I can go as slow as I want.
–Chelsea Whole Foods
Overheard by: and she did
Girl to friend, after introducing her boyfriend: It’s not that he’s slow. He just hesitates before answering because he’s thinking of movie quotes and stuff.
–515 Bar, 34th Street & 3rd Ave
Mom of fast-walking baby: YO YO! Slow your roll.
–Grand St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Alicia Van Couvering
Woman, while swiping metrocard: Gotta do it fast, just like a handjob.
–79th St Subway Station
Loud beeatch: Dammit, why you movin’ so slow? Don’t you know what city you’re in? Shit!
–42nd St & Madison
Overheard by: Jen
Conductor on PA: Attention, passengers. We have red signals ahead of us. Still working out the kinks. The good news is, once we get past Bergen, we’ll be back up to our normal speed. [pauses] which still isn’t too fast.
–F train
Overheard by: He ain’t kiddin’
Blonde with group of tourists: Is New Jersey that way? [Points toward the west.]New Yorker: Yes, but there’s a river between here and there.
Blonde with group of tourists: You mean we can’t walk there?
New Yorker: Not really.
Blonde with group of tourists: Damn girls, what are we going to do tonight? We can’t go to Jersey and there’s nothing to do in New York.
–40th & 6th
Overheard by: Jersey, the state that never sleeps.
Tourist #1: This is us.
Tourist #2: You sure?
Tourist #1: Yup, Cay-null Street.
–N train, Canal St station
Overheard by: sara n.
Tourist suit: Excuse me, can you tell me where the Empire State Building is?
Guy: Just look up, man.
–32nd & 5th
Overheard by: still looks up
Tourist girl: Oh, crap, is that Rosie O’Donnell over there?! [Whips out phone camera.]Tourist guy: Well, it’s either her, or a 300-pound biker with a bad haircut.
–34th & Broadway
Tourist woman: How do I get to Times Square?
Skinny blonde: Take a train as far north as possible.
Asian male passerby: You do not want to do that.
Tourist woman: Why do New Yorkers always lie?!
Skinny blonde: I’m not from here. I live in L.A. Everyone there lies.
Tourist woman: So how do you know where to go?
Skinny blonde: We’re all psychic, too.
–42nd & 8th
Hot blonde: Do they kick in kick boxing?
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: haha
Tourist pointing to a church: Is that the Chrysler Building?
–E 10th & Broadway
Little boy, when train jerks to a stop: Did we just hit a deer?
–Manhattan-bound N train
Overheard by: paratactical
Teen tourist: Look, I know you guys have, like, musical theatres on Broadway and stuff, but do you guys have movie theaters?
–Canal & Broadway
Tourist pointing at S train car: This is the bus that will take us to Times Square, right?
–Platform for shuttle from Grand Central to Times Square
Overheard by: the answer is yes, but you’re not right
Young girl on phone: Hells yeah, I walked out of that class! I don’t even get why we still learn about immigration. I mean, who the fuck takes boats here anymore?
–23rd & Lex
