Hot Wednesday-on-Wednesday One-Liners

Random guy, singing loudly: Leeeesbian seagull!

–South Street Sea Port

Overheard by: Ger-Man in New York

Thug: Shit! I have to get my teacher a present. Its so hard. She’s like butch… You know what I’m saying? Shes got short hair and don’t wear earrings -like that chick [points to a woman who can obviously hear the conversation and looks affronted.] Yeah lady, you like the pussy!

–F Train

Drunk girl: You wanna know why I’m a lesbian? When I was crawling out of my mothers vagina I tasted that shit. And that shit was good. I just had to keep going back for more.

–Odessa’s, Ave A

Overheard by: Dannia Alfonso

Hardcore lesbian tourist #1 to hardcore lesbian tourist #2: Hey! Beaver Street! Let’s eat down there.

–Beaver St , Hanover Square

Overheard by: WallStGuy

Black teen punk girl, arguing with boyfriend: No, I’m gonna go become a lesbian now. Big. Huge. Les. Bo.

–V Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Buff guy: But now they’ll know I’m a lesbian.

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: Colleen

Posted on April 16, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Black People, Drunks, Family Ties, Fears, Gays and Lesbians, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Lesbians, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Punks, Questions, Singing, Teens, The Village, Threats, Thugs, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Can’t Drive the Bus Below 50 MPH

Tourist: This is New York. Nothing happens fast here.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Get out of my way – I’m in a hurry

Empowered shopper: I have a cart. I can go as slow as I want.

–Chelsea Whole Foods

Overheard by: and she did

Girl to friend, after introducing her boyfriend: It’s not that he’s slow. He just hesitates before answering because he’s thinking of movie quotes and stuff.

–515 Bar, 34th Street & 3rd Ave

Mom of fast-walking baby: YO YO! Slow your roll.

–Grand St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Alicia Van Couvering

Woman, while swiping metrocard: Gotta do it fast, just like a handjob.

–79th St Subway Station

Loud beeatch: Dammit, why you movin’ so slow? Don’t you know what city you’re in? Shit!

–42nd St & Madison

Overheard by: Jen

Conductor on PA: Attention, passengers. We have red signals ahead of us. Still working out the kinks. The good news is, once we get past Bergen, we’ll be back up to our normal speed. [pauses] which still isn’t too fast.

–F train

Overheard by: He ain’t kiddin’

Posted on April 9, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Biotechs, Brooklyn, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Girls, Hand-Jobs, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Relationships, Shopping, Subway conductors, Times Square, Tourists, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Women

It’s a Real One-Traffic-Light Town

Blonde with group of tourists: Is New Jersey that way? [Points toward the west.]New Yorker: Yes, but there’s a river between here and there.
Blonde with group of tourists: You mean we can’t walk there?
New Yorker: Not really.
Blonde with group of tourists: Damn girls, what are we going to do tonight? We can’t go to Jersey and there’s nothing to do in New York.

–40th & 6th

Overheard by: Jersey, the state that never sleeps.

Posted on April 5, 2008
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Default, Gripes, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYC Geography, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists, Travel, Wishes & desires, Women

Excuse Me, That’s “Stuh-ray-et”

Tourist #1: This is us.
Tourist #2: You sure?
Tourist #1: Yup, Cay-null Street.

–N train, Canal St station

Overheard by: sara n.

Posted on March 31, 2008
Chinatown, Default, Languages, Names, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Tourism, Tourists, Words

Where’s That?

Tourist suit: Excuse me, can you tell me where the Empire State Building is?
Guy: Just look up, man.

–32nd & 5th

Overheard by: still looks up

Posted on March 29, 2008
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Default, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYC Geography, Overheard Overheard, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Tourism, Tourists

Either Way, a Digital Record of Our Ass-Kicking Will Be Helpful in Court

Tourist girl: Oh, crap, is that Rosie O’Donnell over there?! [Whips out phone camera.]Tourist guy: Well, it’s either her, or a 300-pound biker with a bad haircut.

–34th & Broadway

Posted on March 24, 2008
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Street, Tourists

Despite That, the Punch to the Jaw Came As a Surprise

Tourist woman: How do I get to Times Square?
Skinny blonde: Take a train as far north as possible.
Asian male passerby: You do not want to do that.
Tourist woman: Why do New Yorkers always lie?!
Skinny blonde: I’m not from here. I live in L.A. Everyone there lies.
Tourist woman: So how do you know where to go?
Skinny blonde: We’re all psychic, too.

–42nd & 8th

Posted on March 23, 2008
Advice, Asians, Default, Girls, Lies, Men, Port Authority, Psychic, Public Transportation, Questions, Skinny People, Tourism, Tourists, U.S. Geography, Women

Wednesdays and Their Stupid One-Liners

Hot blonde: Do they kick in kick boxing?

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: haha

Tourist pointing to a church: Is that the Chrysler Building?

–E 10th & Broadway

Little boy, when train jerks to a stop: Did we just hit a deer?

–Manhattan-bound N train

Overheard by: paratactical

Teen tourist: Look, I know you guys have, like, musical theatres on Broadway and stuff, but do you guys have movie theaters?

–Canal & Broadway

Tourist pointing at S train car: This is the bus that will take us to Times Square, right?

–Platform for shuttle from Grand Central to Times Square

Overheard by: the answer is yes, but you’re not right

Young girl on phone: Hells yeah, I walked out of that class! I don’t even get why we still learn about immigration. I mean, who the fuck takes boats here anymore?

–23rd & Lex

Posted on March 19, 2008
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Boys, Default, Education, Foreigners, Girls, Grand Central, History & Geography, Idiots, Insults, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Public Transportation, Questions, Sports, Street, Students, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Tourism, Tourists, Train Station, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Are Already Spending Their Rebate Checks

Father to son: You see, women do the shopping, so you gotta go to a good store to find a good woman.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Trainspotter

Young boy to guy accompanying him: There are things that Americans can do better. We can burp a lot louder than Chileans. And we can spend a lot more money while shopping.

—Tom Crean: Antarctic Explorer performance, Irish Repertory Theatre

Overheard by: Michael Baker

Dude to friend: … So every time he signs for a purchase on a credit card, he signs it ‘Not valid’ and Best Buy was the only store that ever caught it!

–Burns St, Forest Hills

Woman seeing old friend, and pointing to man beside her: Yeah, this is my new husband. He buys me Neiman Marcus. My old husband bought me Stein Mart.

–C train

Overheard by: Sarah F.

Valley girl tourist to street sweeper: Excuse me, where’s the mall?

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Really!

Posted on March 19, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Business and Commerce, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Dads, Default, Etiquette, Farting & Burping, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Marriage, Money & Class, On the Subway, Penn Station, Queens, Questions, Shopping, Southerners, Teens, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Women

Tourists