Middle Eastern-looking yuppie: I would root for Al Qaeda before the Red Sox. [Middle Eastern-looking friends quietly express outrage.] Fine, I would root for the Janjaweed before the Red Sox. Is that better?
–Manhattan-bound 4 train leaving Yankee Stadium station
Overheard by: David H
Yuppie: Listen to this, Mom — I got home and the cat was completely covered in shit and blood!
Sweet old lady: Sorry, dear? I couldn’t quite hear you.
Yuppie: Shit and blood!
–122nd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: HuntingSnark
Yuppie mother watching alternative guy prepare cupcakes: Ew, I don’t want him touching my cupcakes! I wish he were wearing gloves. He’s such a freak.
Young daughter: Mom, you can’t judge a book by its cover.
Yuppie mother, snootily: Well, sometimes you can! Freak.
–Magnolia Bakery
Trader #1: Is she ok with that price?
Trader #2: Yeah, we have a great relationship. She’ll take it in the end.
–777 3rd Ave
Yuppie: You know, that’s a very expensive beer you’re not drinking.
Girlfriend: Can’t we have one night where you don’t quote American Psycho?
Yuppie: Oh, he bought her Chardonnay. Don’t worry, I’m not a Chardonnay guy.
Girlfriend: Whatever. Just don’t nail-gun me in my sleep tonight. Again.
–Iggy’s on Rivington
Yuppie #1: I saw Lord of the Rings for the first time last night. I’m totally hot for Galadriel.
Yuppie #2: You mean Cate Blanchett.
Yuppie #1: No, man. Galadriel. If I was Frodo I would be like, ‘Thanks for the light thingy, milady. Maybe there’s something I could do for you?’
Yuppie #2: Yeah, but she’s an elf. Who knows what they got goin’ on down there.
Yuppie #1: You mean it might be pointed?
–Gotham Bar & Grill
Jogging yuppie #1: Yeah, and then we went climbing up a cliff.
Jogging yuppie #2: Naked?
–69th & Park
Yuppie girl: Sometimes I feel like it would be fun to live in the projects.
Yuppie guy: Uh, why?
Yuppie girl: Everybody knows each other — it’s like summer camp.
Yuppie guy: But they shoot each other.
Yuppie girl: Yeah — summer camp, but with guns.
–99th & 3rd
Overheard by: Dan
Yuppie mom: What did you do today, honey?
Three-year-old daughter: I don’t feel like talking, Mommy!
–10th & 7th, Park Slope
Overheard by: Russ Wall
Yuppie lady #1: I just love jogging around the reservoir in Central Park at dawn.
Yuppie lady #2: Yeah, it’s great… The only people out at that time are fitness fanatics and crackheads.
–Elevator, Time Warner Center
