Teacher: No butt-fuck guys, no butt-fuck.
–Hunter College High
Overheard by: citysnidget
Hot chick: … And so I was thinking, You’re thinking about my brother while you’re fucking my ass? No response necessary.
–32nd & Broadway
Cuban guy to Russian girl: All Russian girls I’ve ever met love anal sex. No, seriously, they are all into that shit — and pomegranate.
–1st Ave
Overheard by: Asmar
Jock: … And he was sodomizing a jaguar.
–81st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: impossible
Exhausted executive: Woman, I am telling you — it is Friday, and what I’m saying to you is, all I need is some alcohol and some stuffed mushrooms. Do you hear me?
–Grand Central
Old lady, screaming: It’s not the quiche, Harry, it’s the whole seven years!
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Rowanhood
Creepster: I’d like to spread Jessica Fletcher and Rose Nylund on a cracker and down ’em with a shot of Ensure!
–81st & Madison
Man: I don’t trust upstate food anymore.
–Cab line, JFK
Overheard by: Sean McGurr
Budding entrepreneur: You mean, I can copyright the sandwiches I make? Put them in an envelope and mail them to myself?
–Stanton & Attorney
Chick: It was right after I said Greg broke up with him ’cause he didn’t know where Darfur was.
–8th & Broadway
Woman over loudspeaker: You don’t even miss me! You don’t even have the decency to miss me!
–Whitehall St station
Overheard by: G
Hysterical girl in stall on cell: Why the fuck did she post ‘Thanks again for that chicken parmigiana X-X-O-O’ on your MySpace page?! What the fuck does that mean?! X-X-O-O?! And why did you buy her chicken parmigiana?! We just broke up three days ago and you’re buying some other bitch chicken parmigianaaa?! Do you want to be with me or not?!
–Ladies’ room, Bar
Black chick on cell: Okay, fine, we can break up! But dammit, I need fucking directions!
–Atlantic & Flatbush
Overheard by: Mike N
Woman on cell: I got out on the wing and said, ‘I’m not going.’ He said, ‘I paid 10 grand to fuel this jet!’ and he pushed me off… Well, I didn’t control it too good. I wound up in a tree and it took three hours to get me down… I was just all cut up by the branches…
–Bagels Supreme, Brooklyn
Woman to boyfriend: I didn’t know you could see individual leaves on a tree.
–A/C/E train
Overheard by: Monica
Dude: What’s beer without a Christmas tree?
–5th Ave
Woman on cell: I saw her sitting in the litter box, and then she looked at me and she shot it up into the plants!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Beck
Tourist mom to daughter with camera: Look, a tree! A tree! You can tell everyone you took a picture of a tree in Central Park!
–Central Park
Lady on cell: What did I do yesterday? Well, I finally took down the Christmas tree.
–Continental Ave, Forest Hills
Overheard by: Dandelion Isafleur
Mini yuppie: No way. I’d put the knife down and walk away. You never run.
–9th St, Park Slope
Overheard by: Russ Wall
Old man tourist: He’s drawin’ a sword outta her, an’ she’s havin’ a sexual fantasy.
–New Greco-Roman galleries, the Met
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Yuppie to two girls: Yeah, but it’s more personal if you stab them with a knife.
–Prospect Park West, Park Slope
Overheard by: diane
Kid to father: I’m sick of swords! My head is full of swords!
–Arms and Weapons wing, the Met
Overheard by: e.Beth
Girl struggling with knot: Do you have anything sharp? Like a sword? Wait a minute, I have a sword! [She pulls out a sword.]
–51st & 5th
Dad to rambunctious young sons: No! We are not getting swords out!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Tempo
Guy shopping for condiments: A Rachael Ray olive oil? Really? Have we gone too far?
–Amish market, Park Pl
Overheard by: pri
Blonde to brunette: You don’t understand… I was the Paris Hilton of Seattle…
–Bedford Ave
Overheard by: griffin
Bimbette bragging to server: Yeah, I’m like the Lindsay Lohan of New Jersey!
–Brooklyn Diner, Times Square
Office worker: I would bury Jennifer in a ditch somewhere for Jessica Biel.
–Staten Island
Mom to eight-year-old son: … And that’s why the gays are mad at John Travolta — because he’s a Scientologist.
–Court St & Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Tim
Disappointed lady to hubby: Well, I didn’t see any celebrities in there!
–Outside Olive Garden, Times Square
Woman smoking outside bar: That’s what I love about City College – we’re all geniuses at City College!
–238th St, Riverdale, Bronx
Blonde: His MySpace’s ‘Who I want to meet’ says ‘Albert Einstein with big boobs.’ Does that mean he thinks I’m smart?
–Astoria
Guy on cell: Can I speak with someone smarter than you? I’m pretty sure that there’s someone smarter than you.
–Q101 bus on Steinway
Overheard by: Gregorio
Man talking to himself: There are geniuses, and there are penises…
–F train
Overheard by: Stella
Professor: Well, it’s obvious that non-human animals are very smart – especially the smarter ones.
–Columbia University
Dude on cell: I’ll give you the worst first — I think I wanna fuck…
–52nd & 9th
Overheard by: tinyfoo
Man in hurry, muttering: Sex… Sex. Sex? Sex!
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: Sam
Guitarist: To pack a theater, a good movie once in a while, and a can of tomato juice. That’s all I want out of life, folks. Well, maybe a bit of sex, too.
–42nd St station
Overheard by: Spencer
20-ish guy to pal: So she says, ‘Let’s meet up. Food? Drinks? Sex? Sounds good.’
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: meghoney
Hot chick on cell: … But if you’re having casual sex with her, why can’t you have it with me?
–50th & 6th
Overheard by: Mao Carrera
Chick on cell: Oh my god, I cried so much… Yeah, I’m going to go home and watch it again. Then I’m going to write ocean porn with my friend. When are you getting home?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Bernard
Hipster: To sunshine, rainbows and gay porn!
–Sheep’s Meadow, Central Park
Dude to chick: … So she put the CD in the computer, and as Windows Media Player starts popping up, I remember I had been jerking it to lesbian porn about a half hour before that…
–Canal & Broadway
Overheard by: P. Mills
Hipster chick on cell: … In Barnes and Noble’s. Yeah, we’ll be here for a while. I’m reading porn in the Science Fiction section… Yes, the Science Fiction section! So?
–Barnes & Noble, Astor Pl
Drunk guy: Yeah, so all these straight women are totally into this gay Japanese porn. You know, uh, what’s it called? Yahweh?
–Ceol Irish Pub, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Rose Fox
12-year-old to friend: Pull on my nipples and scream!
–42nd & 5th, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Roger Mortis
Lady to male friend: So, I am unsure how you came to the conclusion that members of a particular race have awesome nipples.
–Bowery & 4th
Overheard by: beantowner
Dude: She was beautiful, but her nipples were like a car accident!
–Last Exit Bar, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: D
Police dispatch: Mister Nipple is at it again, Midtown.
–Chinatown
