Brunette: I usually sit in front of him, but he got to class late the day we had the midterm and the only seat left was in front of me… And then I didn’t know how to do any of the problems, so I just stared at him and daydreamed about playing with his balls and batting my eyelashes while giving him a blowjob.
Blonde: I strongly advise against mentioning that if you ever actually speak to him.
–Salon V, East Village
Overheard by: raconteuse
Girl: Well, we have a lot in common.
Skeptical friend: Really?
Girl: Yeah! Well, we were both in comas…
–Hunter College
Annoyed bimbette: You cannot go out with him! Like, who will go and pick up random guys with me?
Brunette: I’ll still go out with you.
Annoyed bimbette: No, I know you — you’ll say ‘yes’ when he asks you out. You can’t go out with him. Oh, yeah, wait — he’s younger than you. You can get him pussy-whipped like that. You have to go out with him.
Brunette, defeated: Okay.
–S79 bus
Bimbette #1: So then I got a text from him this morning [shows friend text message]. I mean, who forgets if they have sex?
Bimbette #2: Haha… There’s not even a ‘hello’ or punctuation… Just ‘Did we have sex.’
Bimbette #1: I know!
Bimbette #2: Well, did you?
Bimbette #1: I’m not sure…
–Central Park
Bimbette #1: Oh my god, did you see that new movie?
Bimbette #2: Wait, what new movie?
Bimbette #1: You know. Ugh, what’s it called? It’s the one with Jessica Alba.
Bimbette #2: Um, Fantastic 4?
Bimbette #1: Yeah! There’s only three, though, so I don’t know why it’s called Fantastic 4. It should be called ‘Fantastic 3 Plus a Blob.’
–E 33rd & Lex
Overheard by: Kris
Chirpy girl #1: Oh my god! They have peonies! How cute! I love peonies!
Chirpy girl #2: Me, too! Oh, wow, how cute!
French woman #1: Ooh-la-la… La pivoine! Pour le garçon?
French woman #2: Oui, oui.
Chirpy girl #1: Oh my god! It’s an Italian! I love Italians!
Chirpy girl #2: Oh, wow! Me, too! Italians are so cute!
–Farmer’s Market, Union Square
Girl #1: Oh my gosh, we should totally go to Olive Garden. It’s sooo good.
Girl #2: Honestly… Never say that again.
–Times Square
Blonde: Do you have a first name?
Freakishly tall pale kid: Yes.
Blonde: Do you have a last name?
Freakishly tall pale kid: Yes.
Blonde: Do you have a middle name?
Freakishly tall pale kid: No.
Blonde: Well, I wanna annoy you. What’s your conformation name?
Freakishly tall pale kid: I’m Jewish.
Blonde: So?
–21st & 1st
Girl #1, studying for math exam: I still don’t get it.
Girl #2: What I’m saying is that this statement has nothing to do with a croissant coming out of my ass.
Girl #1: Oh, okay.
Girl #2: Yeah, that’s the only way I can remember how to do the problem.
–Marymount Manhattan College
Bimbette #1: So, like, for my essay I wrote about the Jew migration in the 19th century…
Bimbette #2: Oh my god, what Jew migration?! You mean, like, oh my god — like Moses leading them out of Egypt like in the Red Sea?!
–Oakland Gardens, Queens
