Clerk: Ma’am, you did not order an onion bagel.
Biotech: Yes, I did. You’re wrong.
Clerk: Let me read back your order. [Does so.]Biotech: Look, I said you’re wrong. You’re wrong and you’re ugly!
–875 3rd Ave
Clerk: Ma’am, you did not order an onion bagel.
Biotech: Yes, I did. You’re wrong.
Clerk: Let me read back your order. [Does so.]Biotech: Look, I said you’re wrong. You’re wrong and you’re ugly!
–875 3rd Ave
Salon receptionist calling man in waiting room: David*, you can pre-pay now.
David: I am here for a touch-up. I don’t have to pay this time.
Salon receptionist: Oh, that’s right — what are you getting re-touched, again?
David: My buttocks… Y’know, my butt.
–7th Ave South & Greenwich Ave
Old lady: Do you sell cigarettes?
Clerk, in disbelief: Lady, this is a health food store.
Old lady: Okayyy, but do you sell the healthy kind? You know, the organic kind?
–House of Health, 71st & Lex
Overheard by: Jillcorp
Customer: I’m looking for a kitchen table, some chairs, and a coffee table.
Sales guy: Wow, your place must be very big!
Customer: Not really. That’s about all that will fit.
–Surprise! Surprise! store, East Village
Shapely woman, yelling over shoulder: Stop looking at my butt!
Clerk leaving store: I’m sorry, I can’t help it!
–The Village
Man sitting outside building: Hey, Angelo! You know why I sit over here?
Bored doorman: Why?
Man: You can see those midgets straight through there gettin’ in and out of that box! They do things you wouldn’t believe! Outfits and everything!
–77th St, between Lex & 3rd Ave
Headline by: nick
Runners-Up:
· “Count Me In!” – Lalaith
· “And with a Little Peanut Butter, You Can Get Them to Lick You anywhere.” – Jeff P
· “Dude, That’s a Fucking Playground” – s h
· “Like Babies but Cuter!” – Tellulah
· “Otis Gets Cable” – D. Kareem
· “That Box? Lindsay Lohan.” – sweetchuck
Clerk to woman trying to use debit card: You have to confirm.
Woman: How I do that?
Clerk: With the keypad you’re holding.
Woman, using keypad as cell phone: I confirm!
–Electronic store, Times Square
Overheard by: French dude
Customer: Hi, I’d like a ham and cheese sandwich, please.
Deli worker: We’re out of roast beef.
Customer: A ham and cheese sandwich, please.
Deli worker: I told you, there’s no roast beef.
Customer, slower: A sandwich with ham and cheese?
Deli worker: But there’s no roast beef.
–Broadway & Exchange
Clerk #1: Dang, girl, that old man just bought his self some condoms, and he had a wedding ring, so I know he be cheatin’ on his wife!
Clerk #2: Girl, that ain’t nothin’! Yesterday there was a guy in here buying himself some Trojans, and he was so fine I wanted to follow him right outta here!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: and I ain’t fine?
Grocery stock boy #1: Man, I need to get me some foreign pussy. Out of town, out of state, out of country — shit, I just want to see what it’s like.
Grocery stock boy #2: Word.
–E 79th & York
Overheard by: PBT
