20-something girl: Seriously, I love it when guys cum on my face.
20-something guy: Really?
20-something girl: Yeah, you can ask anyone.
–Greenpoint Ave & Manhattan Ave
Overheard by: Yael
20-something girl: Seriously, I love it when guys cum on my face.
20-something guy: Really?
20-something girl: Yeah, you can ask anyone.
–Greenpoint Ave & Manhattan Ave
Overheard by: Yael
Man #1: How was last night?
Man #2: I shot so much cum in her mouth it looked like her teeth were melting.
Man #1: Okay.
–Queens Library
Fat girl: … And then I, like, tasted my cum and it tasted like bleach.
Skinny friend: Hey, your nose ring is out.
Fat girl: Like fuckin’ bleach, man.
–Elevator, between A train & 1 train, 168th St station
Hobo: I want to cum on your face.
Young woman: Uhhh… Well, at least he’s being up-front — putting all the cards on the table. I guess I respect that.
–27th & 10th
Overheard by: Julia C
Hipster girl to hipster guy: … And it’s like, he cums on me and it’s like it doesn’t even mean anything!
–L train platform, Union Square
Overheard by: Ht-hrw
Hipster: You know, ‘bedbugs’ is just a classy name for crabs.
–7th & Ave A
Hipster: I better not be a virgin by the time I get home.
–14th St & Union Square South
Overheard by: Almost Tourist
Hipster girl: So, I took ecstasy yesterday, and I was playing a lot of flute.
–Outside The Slaughtered Lamb
Overheard by: bonzo
Hipster girl to friends: My mother thought I was a virgin until I told her that I’d had an abortion.
–120th & Amsterdam
Hipster: Well, I can’t help it if their tits shrivel up into tiny raisins!
–Montrose stop
Overheard by: big baby
Hipster chick: So, all my guy friends are really into her! There’s just something about her that really turns guys on, and it’s not just because she’s blind.
–Columbus Circle
Babe #1: Ew, did you know that a teaspoon of sperm contains five calories?
Babe #2: Have you ever swallowed?
Babe #1: Yes.
Babe #2: Ew. That is fucking nasty.
Babe #1: Have you?
Babe #2: Yeah.
–Astoria Blvd
Professor: So, does anybody know why the ocean is salty?
Bimbette: Isn’t it because of all the whale sperm?
–Oceanography class, Kingsborough Community College, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Anti-Traffic Girl
Girl: Oh my god, it’s coming out of me!
Guy: What, your blood, or my cum?
–81st & Columbus
Guy: I was laughing so hard gas was coming out of my buttocks!
–Astor Pl
Overheard by: Allie
Loud girl to boyfriend: You know what would be great? If you could stop making those vicious smelly farts and then looking around like it’s somebody else. We all know it’s you.
–A train
Lady to friend: No, seriously! ‘Cause it was like, two hundred farts per whatever, and it should really only be like 35.
–Charlton & Varick St
Overheard by: sophie
Loud little boy: Mommy, I feel much better now! Yes, I did! I farted!
–W 71st & Columbus
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Guy: Good god, my farts smell like cum!
–Christopher St
Overheard by: Deeply Troubled
20-something chick on cell: No, it’s ridiculous. She’s afraid to shit in his house ’cause he thinks girls don’t shit. I mean, how many times have they had anal? Obviously the hole is there for something… I hope she farts on his dick.
–1 train
Overheard by: jenny
Blind guy walking dog: Ughhh, I just farted… Good morning, New York. I love you.
–Central Park
Overheard by: AMOS
Man to woman and her friend pushing a stroller: Listen, Jeanie, you like my sperm, and I like your car. I’m sure we can make a deal.
–60th & Central Park South
Firefighter after getting a call: Hey, boss, how many one-way streets do you think I can drive down the wrong way?
–Pathmark under Manhattan Bridge
Overheard by: tj
Midwestern woman in preppy clothes sticking head out passenger window of sedan: Excuse me, we’re trying to merge…
–Waiting to enter Lincoln Tunnel
Overheard by: Angela
Homeless musician with Casio keyboard plays entire intro to ‘Oye Como Va,’ then sings: Oye como va, ba da da, blah blah blah blah blah! [Abruptly stops] Well, ladies and gentlemen, that’s what you get for not having a car.
–L train to Williamsburg
Overheard by: Subway Goer
