Guy #1: Have you ever had Tasti D-lite? It’s disgusting! It tastes like frozen cum.
Guy #2: Well, it’s not that good.
–7th & Christopher
Overheard by: Gordon
Guy #1: Have you ever had Tasti D-lite? It’s disgusting! It tastes like frozen cum.
Guy #2: Well, it’s not that good.
–7th & Christopher
Overheard by: Gordon
Guy (kissing his girl's neck, begging): C'mon baby, please?
Girl: I said “No.”
Guy: Why not?
Girl: Because it gets too messy. I mean, I already have to keep washing all the pillows you cum on. Imagine the mess if I'm on the rag.
–R Train
Overheard by: Kim
Guy: Baby, I gotta piss, shit…barf, burp, sneeze, all that crap.
–Astroland
Punk girl: Oh my God. If I see Jorge I’m going to poop my pants.
–Randall’s Island
Overheard by: Holly Kaye
Woman: Do you know how nasty maxi pads are? It’s like a baby sitting in its own shit. It’s like me sloshing around in my own blood!
–22nd & Park
Overheard by: Sion Harrington
Crazy lady: Can I get some privacy? I saw you peeking through the crack. All I wanna do is pee. Can I get some privacy? All I wanna do is pee. If you wanna see pussy, I can show you where to go but can I get some privacy? All I wanna do is pee!
–Penn Station ladies’ room
Overheard by: bebe
Woman: Excuse me! If you’re going to pee on the seat do you think you could at least wipe it off when you’re done so the next person doesn’t have to sit in it?
–Grand Central ladies’ room
Dude on cell: …so I picked it up and there was, like, some brown stuff on it that I thought was, like, dirt. So I went to brush it off with my hand…but dude, it, like, wasn’t dirt…no…
–Penn Station
Overheard by: P. Mills
Girl: Yo, this motherfucking butterscotch tastes like jizz!
–Loews, 32nd & 2nd
Overheard by: annie lin
Woman on cell: I don’t even know how to wash his balls when they’re that dirty!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: cat verde
Punk chick: Guys are so lucky they don’t have to bleed and when they do, it’s like, all manly.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Miss Amelia
Man in hard hat: My dog Sparky is still in the hospital. The doctor wants to neuter him.
Polite, uncomfortable woman: Really, that is too bad… Has he fathered puppies before?
Man in hard hat: No. But I am going to ship his testicles via FedEx to Iowa. It will cost $200 to freeze his sperm.
Polite, uncomfortable woman: Wow! Um… interesting. (then to friend, as man in hard hat walks away) It was so hard to keep a straight face!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Gigglerocks
Hot chick on cell: Important question: Which is more painful, cum in your eye, or Caesar salad dressing in your eye?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Dude on cell: … Because I’m a pastry chef, and my semen tastes like ice cream.
–Soho
Ghetto girl on cell: So he said to me, ‘Suck my cum for five dollars,’ and I was like…
–St. Mark’s & Broadway
Overheard by: Stilettofem
Chick: I have no agreements for future procurement of sperm.
–Harlem
Overheard by: Meister
Hipster chick on cell: Why were you and Voldemort sharing sperm?
–140th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Girl on cell: You're like the male version of me! Of course I want to have sex with you!
–Washington Square Park
Girl: I don't give a shit about your personal life, will anyone in this bar have goddamn sex with me?!
–Naked Lunch, Tribeca
Guy on cell: So anyway, I told her I'd come and fuck her brains out. Wait a minute, I've got another call coming in… (answers) Hi, mom!
–E Train
Gay queen, while female friends take photo of werewolf: It's worth having sex with just because of the foot…
–The Slaughtered Lamb Pub, West Village
Overheard by: Lost on Christmas Day
Girl on phone: I ain't denying you shit, motherfucker! You want to pound my ass? Come over and pound me! You want to fill my mouth with juice? Then fill me with juicy goodness! (pause) Okay, I'll see you later tonight, then.
–W 123rd & 8th Ave
Ferry queer on phone: Everyone looks like the sex they had last night.
–Staten Island
Young man: I think I hurt my throat when impersonating Mark having an orgasm.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Harmony Davis
Older queer to boyfriend: Uh! Uh! I'm gonna cum! I'm gonna cum! I have to have this record! It's so good! It makes me orgasm!
–W 72nd S, Record Store
Overheard by: Never achieved an orgasm that way…
Punk kid to two friends: I want to pierce my shaft and put different things in it so I can give girls better orgasms.
–West Village
Overheard by: Andy & Nick
Man on pay phone: I want to come all over your cock.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: sofia
Drunk chick, loudly as the bar goes silent: I could make you come with one finger!
–Bar, Fulton St
Overheard by: Izzy
Old lady to husband: I heard Britney wants to adopt some pets instead taking care of her children.
Husband: They should just leave her alone.
Old lady to husband: Now you are defending her?
Husband: Not only defending her, I would wipe-lick her butt and ass-rape her until she farts cum.
–1 Train
Overheard by: gio
Blonde girl, looking up at bridge: The Brooklyn Bridge can blow me.
Brown haired girl: Ugh! Word!
–South Street
Overheard by: how does that work?
Preppy girl: He was nice — really successful, owns his own apartment… I just wasn’t into him. He kept trying to hook up and I just wanted to be left alone. He proceeded to jerk off into his pajama pants. Oh, and by the way, it took about 40 seconds. I didn’t even have enough time to react. He then rolled over and went to sleep in it! The worst part is that he’s still calling me. Hello, buddy — you jerked off into your own pants and slept in your own cum. Yeah, we’re not gonna work.
Guy friend: That’s awesome! Who can I tell next?
–47th & Lex
