Girl #1: I can’t believe you fucked him in my bed!
Girl #2: Well, I made sure that he didn’t cum on your sheets!
Girl #1: How thoughtful of you.
–Rivington & Allen
Overheard by: Snorted through my nose
Girl #1: I can’t believe you fucked him in my bed!
Girl #2: Well, I made sure that he didn’t cum on your sheets!
Girl #1: How thoughtful of you.
–Rivington & Allen
Overheard by: Snorted through my nose
NYU guy #1: You know it's impossible to swallow a whole teaspoon of cinnamon?
NYU guy #2: Wait, why not?
NYU guy #1: Because it accumulates into clumps and dries up your mouth.
NYU guy #2: Oh, cinnamon! I thought you said “semen.” I was going to be like “Yes you can!”
–3rd Ave & 11th St
Man on cell, authoritatively: Ejaculate!
–14th b/w 3rd & 4th
Mother to curious little girl reaching out to touch Wall Street bull's testicles: No! (yanks her away)
–Bowling Green
Woman shouting across a grassy field: Slutbots!
–McCarren Park, Brooklyn
(intercom beeps 10 times)
Train conductor, over intercom: Shit.
(intercom continues to beep)
–Hudson Line Train
Man on bike speeding along Brooklyn Bridge walkway: Pussyhoooollleeeeee!
–Brooklyn Bridge
Quiet, older gentleman sipping coffee, leafing through newspaper: Motherfuckers!
–Barnes & Noble Coffee Bar, Broadway
Overheard by: Suze V
Dude: Well, the other day she said, “I want you to fuck me in the park.” So we went to the park, went behind some bushes where there was a clearing and bam, bam, bam. Then I came on her face.
–116th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: fannybaum
College bro #1, walking quickly: And then we can cum on the floor!
College bro #2: Yeah, dude! Cum on the floor!
–University Place
Overheard by: Wondering Whose Floor
Dude, about Gillette shaving products: It’s like sperm. [Notices girl staring] … Yeah, it’s like sperm.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: tanechka
Chesty preggers: I thought he was shooting blanks! I mean, he only drank Mountain Dew and wore tighty-whities!
–Near the Pink Pony, LES
Dude: I don’t have time for your premature ejaculation!
–Harlem
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Dammit, John, sperm does not cure everything! You’re crazy!
–East Williamsburg
Overheard by: azraela
Guy #1: I want to finish on a girl's face one time man, that would be sic!
Guy #2: Amy told me I could do it to her once.
Guy #1: Are you serious!?? I never thought Amy was that hot, but fuck, she just moved up in my books. Was it good?
Guy #2: I couldn't do it. I would do it to a random chick, but not my girlfriend. Every time I kissed her I would only ever think, her face was decorated with my cum.
Guy #1, laughing: Decorated! You sound like the Santa Claus of porn.
–Lower East Side
NYU boy: The doctor at NYU was so chill about it — he treated me the first time three years ago. He’s the one who told me how you have to spit or swallow, but don’t let the cum fester in your mouth. And that one shouldn’t brush their teeth an hour before or after oral, ’cause it opens up the gums and stuff.
NYU girl: [Blank stare.]NYU boy: Gay sex is, like, his specialty.
NYU girl, after long pause: I don’t think we should be friends anymore.
–W 4th St
Overheard by: wish I had a specialty
Black guy: So was he fun last night?
White girl: He came so much that it made me nervous.
Black guy: No more freshman for you!
–Outside Parsons The New School for Design
Coat check girl: Last night Michael came in my eye and it was all puffy and red.
Stripper: Why did he do that?
Coat check: He said he didn’t mean it. Usually he goes for my nostrils or my ear. We couldn’t go out for dinner for two hours until it died down.
Stripper: Wow.
–Strip Club
Overheard by: rory
