(class is watching a science video)
Scientist in the video: The problem with the big bang is that we know nothing about it. We don't when it banged, why it banged, how it banged, what exactly was being banged…
(entire class laughs)
Smart-ass student: See, when a man loves a woman…
Smarter-ass student: Please, as if you didn't just learn that last year in bio!
–Stuyvesant High School
Father-to-be: So my wife won't give me head no more.
Friend: Why? Just cuz she's pregnant?
Father-to-be: Yeah. She keeps saying anything she eats the baby eats, and she don't want it eating my jizz.
–N Train
Overheard by: bill
Drunk girl #1: My boyfriend likes to swallow his ejacu– Ejacu–
Drunk girl #2: It’s ‘ejaculate.’
Drunk girl #1: Is that normal?
–Manhattan-bound L train
Overheard by: What is normal?
Cute blonde: I like fucking you. No, I love fucking you.
Buff guy: Yeah.
Cute blonde: But if I suck your dick and you cum, you'll fall asleep.
Buff guy: How about you suck my dick and then I fuck you?
Cute blonde: That never happens. But if you come with me to my friend Sam's party, I'll suck your dick.
–4 Train
Girl #1: So my boyfriend brought me crown fried chicken for dinner the other night.
Girl #2: Oh, yeah?
Girl #3: I heard they cum in it.
–Queens College
Catholic girl #1: It’s a little more natural to have jizz in your mouth instead of pee.
Catholic girl #2: But the jizz has shit in it!
–Bryant Park
Guy #1: Have you ever had Tasti D-lite? It’s disgusting! It tastes like frozen cum.
Guy #2: Well, it’s not that good.
–7th & Christopher
Overheard by: Gordon
Guy (kissing his girl's neck, begging): C'mon baby, please?
Girl: I said “No.”
Guy: Why not?
Girl: Because it gets too messy. I mean, I already have to keep washing all the pillows you cum on. Imagine the mess if I'm on the rag.
–R Train
Overheard by: Kim
Guy: Baby, I gotta piss, shit…barf, burp, sneeze, all that crap.
–Astroland
Punk girl: Oh my God. If I see Jorge I’m going to poop my pants.
–Randall’s Island
Overheard by: Holly Kaye
Woman: Do you know how nasty maxi pads are? It’s like a baby sitting in its own shit. It’s like me sloshing around in my own blood!
–22nd & Park
Overheard by: Sion Harrington
Crazy lady: Can I get some privacy? I saw you peeking through the crack. All I wanna do is pee. Can I get some privacy? All I wanna do is pee. If you wanna see pussy, I can show you where to go but can I get some privacy? All I wanna do is pee!
–Penn Station ladies’ room
Overheard by: bebe
Woman: Excuse me! If you’re going to pee on the seat do you think you could at least wipe it off when you’re done so the next person doesn’t have to sit in it?
–Grand Central ladies’ room
Dude on cell: …so I picked it up and there was, like, some brown stuff on it that I thought was, like, dirt. So I went to brush it off with my hand…but dude, it, like, wasn’t dirt…no…
–Penn Station
Overheard by: P. Mills
Girl: Yo, this motherfucking butterscotch tastes like jizz!
–Loews, 32nd & 2nd
Overheard by: annie lin
Woman on cell: I don’t even know how to wash his balls when they’re that dirty!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: cat verde
Punk chick: Guys are so lucky they don’t have to bleed and when they do, it’s like, all manly.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Miss Amelia
