Dads

Thug dad to toddler after bumping stroller down stairs: I call that there ride ‘The Earthquake.’ You like that? … Well, see, you’re too young to appreciate the magnitude of what just happened.

–A train

Overheard by: Stephie

Ghetto mom to seven-year-old kid: You don’t know how to hustle! You ain’t no hustler, she ain’t no hustler… No hustlin’.

–137th & Broadway

Overheard by: should she be saying that to a 7 year old?

Mom to eight-year-old daughter: This is not about apostrophes! This is about verbal agreement!

–F train at Broadway-Lafayette

Mom to son climbing on ferry railing: You wanna jump? I’ll throw you. Then I ain’t gotta buy you no Power Ranger.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: autumn

Mother to three-year-old trailing behind: Stay close, baby, you know how ferry men like to take little boys.

–Whitehall Staten Island Ferry Terminal

Overheard by: Ryn

Mom: Boy, don’t you listen? I swear, I will tear your ass up on this bus in front of everyone if you don’t behave. [Kid ignores her, and mom pulls out cell.] Fine, I’ll call Santa on yo’ misbehavin’ ass.

–BX 21 bus

Woman holding child’s hand: You’re my daughter, right? Okay, good.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Nervous

Little girl: Daddy, do people have white hair because they’re old?
Dad: Yes. And, in fact, some people like me have almost no hair at all.

–M86 bus, 86th & Lex

Overheard by: Jake

Father to screaming toddler: Y’know, some people ran 26 miles today, and I’m only asking you to walk a block!

–Times Square

Father buying lightsaber: Just drop it! He wanted this one!
Mother: But it’s the dark side! You’re not supposed to join the dark side!

–Toys “R” Us

Eager Scientologist girl: Do you want to take a stress test?
Man carrying large package, with three kids in tow: I’ll never pass that test.

–Subway, Atlantic Ave

Overheard by: Simon Feil

Young girl: I’m bored.
Father: Okay, let’s play the state name alphabet game.
Young girl: Yay!
Father: Okay, here we go — A?
Young girl: Alabama!
Father: Good. B?
Young girl: Bolivia!
Father: No, that’s a city in Spain. Try again.
Young girl: … I can’t!
Father: That’s because there are no states beginning with B! Ha! Gets you every time! Okay — C?
Young girl: Carolina!
Father: Eh, I shouldn’t really give you credit for that… but I guess this time… D?
Young girl: Dashwood!
Father: Dashwood?! What the fuck is Dashwood?! This game is over.

–C train

Overheard by: CPC

Father: You’re white.
Daughter: No, no, no, no, no!

–Brooklyn-bound R train

Overheard by: evanescent

Dad riding bicycle with young daughter in child seat: … And I used to think about my rabbit every day!
Daughter, incredulously: Are you insane?!

–5th & 6th, Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Doc

Little girl: Daddy, save my seat!
Dad: I can’t.
Little girl: Yes, you can — just put your hand on the seat.
Dad: But then someone might sit on my hand, and they might have a smelly butt, like you.

–1 train

Lady: Happy Halloween! Where’s your goody bag?
Little girl, dressed as Cowardly Lion: I don’t want that candy! We’re going to buy some. We’re going to buy our own!
Dad: Don’t be proud, sweetie. Just take the candy.

–130th & Lenox