Hungover girl #1: I should go to the gym so I can feel better about myself.
Hungover girl #2: Don't feel bad about yourself, you just got laid!
Hungover girl #1: Yeah, but I woke up in pee.
–Greenpoint
Hungover girl #1: I should go to the gym so I can feel better about myself.
Hungover girl #2: Don't feel bad about yourself, you just got laid!
Hungover girl #1: Yeah, but I woke up in pee.
–Greenpoint
Sloppy drunk girl to random girl passing by: Fuck as many guys as you possibly can.
Random girl: Umm…
(sloppy girl's drunk friends nod their heads)
Sloppy drunk girl: I'm serious.
–Fordham University
Laughing drinking woman #1: People are staring at us!
Laughing drinking woman #2, to girls at next table: Don't worry, I swear we're not alcoholics!
Girl at next table: We don't judge, we're college students!
–13th St & University
Drunk passerby to group of hipsters in front of him: All these fucking nerdy guys are with hot girls these days.
Female hipster: Oh, why thank you! He's gay, so it doesn't really matter anyway.
Drunk passerby: Oh, damn. He's gay…?
Male hipster: Yeah, but I'm a math major, so it was fair of you to call me nerdy.
–East Village
Drunk preteen girl #1, dragging friend across room: Don't touch her hand!
Drunk preteen girl #2: Why not?
Drunk preteen girl #1: Cause she just peed on it!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Allison T
Drunk loud Jersey girl: Fuck you! Just go to the fucking PATH train, alright? (walks away angrily)
Drunker Jersey guy, yelling: I told you she wants to fuck me!
–Caroline's on Broadway
Drunk blonde girl: Yeah, Ryan and I made out two weeks ago.
Drunk friend: Really, oh my god! When?
Drunk blonde girl: Yeah, I told you this! It was before we slept together.
–50th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: i certainly hope so..
Drunk guy to hot girl: We should get some Viagra, so we can still have sex even though I've been drinking.
Hot girl to drunk guy: How about you just don't get drunk every night.
–Spring Loung, SohO
Bar hopper: Look at him! He's 20, but he sucks dick like he's 47!
–2nd Ave & 5th St
Overheard by: Christian
Girl on cell: I'm really mad that he's telling everyone I gave him head, and calling my mom a milf.
–West 72nd Urban Outfitters
Overheard by: Will
Student on cell: I can't wait to put that in my mouth.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wait, What?
30-something to teen: I'm telling you: ignore a bitch and she'll be giving you head in a day.
–Central Park
Slutty girl: So after about five minutes, I took a break and my jaw was shaking.
–87th & 3rd
Crazy hobo: Look, I don't mean this in a sexual manner, but could you suck my dick?
–Times Square
Eight-year-old Russian boy, in Martin Luther King voice: I had a dream, that one day…I pooped. (giggles)
–Q Ttrain
Overheard by: Robert G.
Drunk bro on phone: I know I'm not the guy you fuck in the shower, but can I shit on your chest?
–Fordham University
Woman on cell: There's no law against defecation.
–3rd Ave & 10th St
Overheard by: SophieMed
Man whispering into cell: I'm going to have to take a number two while we're talking.
–Sunshine Suites
Young man on cell: We're in the ticket line. Are you still pooping?
–Castle Clinton
Overheard by: B Fraz
20-something guy to friends: When I poop on something, I want someone to notice!
–Bushwick, Brooklyn
Overheard by: I prefer to flush
