Student, after two-hour lecture on Charles Darwin: Yo, professor?
Teacher: Yes, Phyllis?
Student: That Charlie — he da man!
Teacher: Indeed! Charlie is the man, Phyllis! Excellent!
–Queensborough Community College
Overheard by: Just trying to pass…
Student, after two-hour lecture on Charles Darwin: Yo, professor?
Teacher: Yes, Phyllis?
Student: That Charlie — he da man!
Teacher: Indeed! Charlie is the man, Phyllis! Excellent!
–Queensborough Community College
Overheard by: Just trying to pass…
Student: Do I need to do the math extra credit project?!
Teacher: Yes, because on Friday when you come to me and ask if you are failing, I’m gonna laugh at you. Then you will go home and tell your family that I laughed at you. Then they will come up to school and yell at me and I’ll laugh at them.
–Forest Hills school
Overheard by: laughing my ass off at my classmate
Professor: Care to elaborate on that?
Student who answered question: I’d rather not.
–NYU Law School
Overheard by: Vitto
Headline by: Alli
Runners-Up:
· “But I would like to know the specifics of why you think I should go fuck myself.” – Bassmanbish
· “I Don’t Think I Could. I Elaborated In The Shower This Morning.” – Redneck Jedi
· “Let me rephrase, what the fuck do you mean?” – chris sowell
· “Objection! Asked and answered.” – Law School Dropout
· “See ‘Billing By the Hour’ to Learn Why That’s the Wrong Answer” – PhoenixRising
· “The first rule of law school is: We do not talk about law school.” – Steve-o
Crackhead #1: You went to Catholic school?
Crackhead #2: Yeah… Well, not for long ’cause I got kicked out for punching a nun in the face.
Crackhead #1: Wow. Did your parents get their money back, at least?
–L train
Professor: So, the gospel of Luke differs from Mark in its concern about… [Walks across room to look at poster promoting Iraq War protest, studies it for a moment, then returns to podium.] Sorry, I was distracted by the war. [Students laugh.] No, really. The things we’re doing right now are actually really pointless in the world we live in. [Silence.] Okay! Back to pretending my job is important. Anyway…
–NYU
Dude: So I just wrote, ‘John Locke was a great guy.’
Chick: That’s all you wrote? How many points did you get?
Dude: He gave me eight out of ten! He must have felt sorry for me.
Chick: Wow. I hope the professors at my school are that easy.
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: writing these two out of the social contract
Student #1: Today is our first day of classes.
Student #2: Yeah, and it’s Martin Luther King’s birthday today.
Student #1: Most other schools are closed on Martin Luther King Day, but we’re open.
Student #2: Does that make our school racist?
–185th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Anthony Ross
Little nephew: The kids who celebrate Kwanzaa at my school said that Santa Claus doesn’t exist.
Drunk uncle: You should tell them that the myth of a college education and a prosperous life that they belief in are an even bigger lie!
–Penthouse, Park Ave
Latino trying to hawk a CD and pawn it to a latina: So, this isn’t my real job. I’m just doing this shit for fun.
Latina: Oh, what do you do?
Latino: … I’m in, like, marketing and advertising. Real professional shit.
Latina: Oooh, did you go to college?
Latino: Nah, I was already good at it.
–Flushing-bound 7 train
Overheard by: had to get an MBA to get good at it
Chick: Like, last semester I totally put out and I got an A.
Dude: Like, a straight A?
Chick: Yeah. But this semester I’m just too tired to put out, and I just got a B on that paper.
Dude: Rough.
–Columbia University
