Professor: So, the gospel of Luke differs from Mark in its concern about… [Walks across room to look at poster promoting Iraq War protest, studies it for a moment, then returns to podium.] Sorry, I was distracted by the war. [Students laugh.] No, really. The things we’re doing right now are actually really pointless in the world we live in. [Silence.] Okay! Back to pretending my job is important. Anyway…
–NYU
Dude: So I just wrote, ‘John Locke was a great guy.’
Chick: That’s all you wrote? How many points did you get?
Dude: He gave me eight out of ten! He must have felt sorry for me.
Chick: Wow. I hope the professors at my school are that easy.
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: writing these two out of the social contract
Student #1: Today is our first day of classes.
Student #2: Yeah, and it’s Martin Luther King’s birthday today.
Student #1: Most other schools are closed on Martin Luther King Day, but we’re open.
Student #2: Does that make our school racist?
–185th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Anthony Ross
Little nephew: The kids who celebrate Kwanzaa at my school said that Santa Claus doesn’t exist.
Drunk uncle: You should tell them that the myth of a college education and a prosperous life that they belief in are an even bigger lie!
–Penthouse, Park Ave
Latino trying to hawk a CD and pawn it to a latina: So, this isn’t my real job. I’m just doing this shit for fun.
Latina: Oh, what do you do?
Latino: … I’m in, like, marketing and advertising. Real professional shit.
Latina: Oooh, did you go to college?
Latino: Nah, I was already good at it.
–Flushing-bound 7 train
Overheard by: had to get an MBA to get good at it
Chick: Like, last semester I totally put out and I got an A.
Dude: Like, a straight A?
Chick: Yeah. But this semester I’m just too tired to put out, and I just got a B on that paper.
Dude: Rough.
–Columbia University
First year law student on phone with mom: All I do anymore is study and have sex!
–Fordham University
Frat boy: … But the thing that really almost got me kicked out of college was when we installed the zip line…
–14th & University
Overheard by: rachel
Bimbette: I feel, like, if you can read and write, you’re set for life.
–1 train
Overheard by: Fatty McFingers
NYU ditz: Oh, I know, I love philosophy classes. You can just feel your mind turning in new ways, grasping at straws.
–Veselka
Overheard by: Bean
Blonde on cell: Well, duh, Dad. Obviously I wouldn’t take an archeology class if I wasn’t interested in what it’s like to be an architect… Yeah, an archeologist — that’s exactly what I said.
–Lincoln Center
Girl to lab instructor: Should I start thinking now?
–Barnard College
Boy to friends: Last one to the car has herpes!
–Hylan Blvd, Staten Island
NYU co-ed to another: You gotta put on your STD face!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jatmos
Drunk girl yelling at drunk guy down the street: I’m pretty sure I haven’t contracted anything from anyone tonight!
–12th & 3rd
20-something chick: How come all the nice guys I meet always have some sort of STD?
–Lincoln Center
Drunk NYU chick: You’re gay and you go to NYU — there’s no reason why your love life shouldn’t be flourishing… except AIDS.
–Union Square
Overheard by: that guy
Blonde: Just because you have syphilis doesn’t mean I have to listen to you!
–Max Breener’s Chocolate Shop, Union Square
Overheard by: Eskimo Child
Chick on cell: Brian? I love Brian… even though he gave me the herpe.
–E 9th & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Raven
NYU student #1: Ew! That movie was like porn!
NYU student #2: I don’t know why we watched that in class!
NYU student #3: Disgusting!
–Outside lecture hall, Silver Center
Mom to 13-year-old boy: Honey, that was really scatological.
–Bleecker & 6th
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Woman: No, tiny Katie — the one with the enormous mammary protruberances.
–R train, Queens Plaza
Overheard by: I mean I wanna squeeze ’em!
Suit mom to teen daughter: We should go, but before we do, perhaps we should urinate.
–Barnes & Noble, Court St
Overheard by: Zenana
Dude: I have many ways to distance myself from other people. Primarily gastronomically.
–12th St, between 2nd & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: tbull
Man on cell: I am so not litigious. I am, like, violently not litigious.
–66th & Broadway
Overheard by: Nora
Girl: I mean, come on! We’re in college! Can’t the word ‘silly’ stay in the dorms? I mean, there’s a dictionary full of words that could be used to describe something so… erroneous.
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Kate Melvin
