Juilliard guy: Why does everyone at Juilliard have to be so deep? I mean, we’re in class and the professor puts a box in the middle of the room and everyone starts in, “Oh, that represents my soul!” or “Oh, that is the heavens opening up to take me in!” No man, that’s just a damn box! All that represents to me is a damn box. Everyone needs to get over themselves at this damn school…
–Juilliard elevator
Employee: Can I leave at 5?
Boss: Why?
Employee: I cannot work here for more than 5 hours day, for medical reasons.
Boss: What reason?
Employee: Well, this work is so dull and unsatisfying that if I work more than 5 hours a day I could jump out the window?
Boss: Wait, did you say you go to NYU?
–22nd Street office
Bystander guy #1: Congratulations!
Bystander guy #2: One sixteenth of you are gonna make it!
–NYU Graduation Ceremony, Washington Square Park
Guy: Why didn’t you want to tell my mom what you’re studying in school?
Girl: What was I supposed to do, say, “I study sexuality and your son is homework” and drag you by the arm into the bedroom? I don’t want her thinking I’m some kind of hussy who only uses people for sex as part of her doctoral research.
Guy: Actually, she would’ve been fine with that.
–Mott & Grand
Overheard by: Djlindee
Chick #1: She’s also doing her research project on fag thugs.
Chick #2: What?
Chick #1: Like, gay people who are thugs.
Chick #2: They have those?
Chick #1: Apparently.
–Pratt
Mom: I know you would love homeschooling but you would have to be really sick or have a broken leg or something.
Son: Then why won’t you just break my leg?
–Lexington & 63rd
Overheard by: Christopher
Schoolgirl: …then the teacher said “Silence”. Silence is just a fancy word for “Shut the fuck up”.
–Union Square station
Black mom: Spatula, I’ve got two words for you: be-have!
–6th Avenue salon
Boy, 8: Sorry, Dad. I had to stop because my peg-leg got stuck!
–Park Slope
Dude #1: I never knew people actually lived on Staten Island.
Dude #2: I know!
Dude #1: I thought it was just a big mall.
Dude #2: With the Mafia…
Dude #1: And garbage…
Dude #2: I know!
Dude #1: You know what’s totally sad? I got a 1450 on my SATs.
–A train
Old man: Lloyd. Proper name or suffix?
–2nd Ave. & 68th St.
Overheard by: Eric
HS girl: Now he’s in college, so he has his own friends.
HS guy: He’s at Sarah Lawrence.
HS girl: There are lots of people like him there.
–4 train
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Hoop earrings girl: So I found out yesterday the name of my class is Advanced Calculus. I knew it was advanced but I didn’t know it was calculus. I wish I’d known when I registered. It’s nice and interesting. There are a lot of squiggles that look really nice. But I’m going to transfer to the regular class, because it’s not a requirement for my degree, and why get a C or D, when I can get an A?
–F train
