Guy: Yo, did you hear what Bush wants to do? He wants to get rid of financial aid for college.
Girl: Really?
Guy: Yeah…soon we all gon’ have to be drug dealers. Seeing crackheads will be normal. 

–Washington Heights

Overheard by: clari 

Stylish 20‐something woman to overweight pug breathing heavily: Well, Winifred, you’re out of breath because you’re out of shape. (pause) No, you’re not fat. You’re voluminous. (pause) Yes, I am aware it’s not all your fault. Mummy likes to watch you eat powder doughnuts. (pause) Pugs that look like they have a coke habit are very funny for mummy, yes they are.

–Central Park

Young hipster to Labrador, as people approach: Come on! Come on! Say hello! (dog remains seated, doing nothing) God! I’ve been training him for months to talk to couples and it just isn’t working!


Woman to her dog: Don’t be an insult to your species! Act like a dog!

–10th St & Broadway

Lady to little barking dog: Shut up. This is not your sidewalk.


Young woman: Are you going to preschool?
Four‐year‐old girl: No. I’m going to the moon.


Toddler boy: Look, Daddy! The airport!
Dad: That’s the moon, Milo.

–86th & 3rd

Overheard by: Claire Keaveney

Teen boy: They should have a test for eveyone coming out of high school to weed out the stupid kids from the gene pool. If you don’t pass, you die.
Teen girl: Yeah, like how momma hamsters eat their babies when they know they won’t make it in the real world.

–6 train

JAP #1: Oh my gawd, I have so many papers to write for school!
JAP #2: My friend is going to Parsons. She’s not even that talented.
JAP #1: I’m so bad at writing papers. You know what I do? I find something someone else said. Something that I like…and then I just change the words.

–R Train

Preppy blonde: And I would be in the alley, all secret… And then out of nowhere people in the street would hear “Fuck yeah – crack!” coming from the alley, and then the police would come, and I would totally be saying goodbye to my chances at Yale.
Tiny brunette friend: Yeah, totally.

–82nd & York

Professor: Most democracies usually don’t go to war with other democracies.
Student: Then all countries should become democracies, right?

–Political Philosophy class, Baruch College

Overheard by: Beerinder

Guy: Yeah, I was in jail and got my Associate’s.
Girl: Yeah? Was it free?
Guy: 20 dollars or something.
Girl: Damn! I’m gonna be paying school loans forever! I should go to jail!

–Wai Cafe, 17th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: 167girl

Male Columbia student: So did she give you the recommendation, or what?
Female Columbia student: Yeah, I wasn’t sure that she liked me that much… But then apparently she told them I walk on water in six‐inch heels!

–1 Train