Security guy: Where you from?
Tourist: Amsterdam.
Security guy, gesturing broadly to the view: This was once all yours!
–Empire State Building
Security guy: Where you from?
Tourist: Amsterdam.
Security guy, gesturing broadly to the view: This was once all yours!
–Empire State Building
Dark-skinned immigrant: I had oral sex with two white women. My first time with white women.
Friend: How was it?
Dark-skinned immigrant: Ummm… Salty.
–Supreme Court, Bronx
Overheard by: Big Larry
Hipster to man pressing napkin against Annie Leibovitz picture to write down a number: What are you doing?! You can’t do that!
Russian man: Is okay — it happens.
–Brooklyn Museum
Overheard by: I swear, I didn’t know him!
American woman: I heard this song the other day — the lyrics were great.
British man: Hm?
American woman: It was almost as good as that one song — you know, that one that goes, ‘Ain’t no call like a booty call, ’cause a booty call just don’t stop.’
British man: Uh-huh.
American woman: The lyrics are all, ‘Looove is my religion. I’ll take you to the temple tonight.’
British man: Wow… Let’s just try to make some more really shitty metaphors, why don’t we?
–Choga, Bleecker St
Overheard by: Alice
American: Americans call the last letter in the alphabet ‘zee,’ but in Britain they call it ‘zed.’
Swede: Oh! That’s why Jay-Z is pronounced ‘Jay Zee’ and not ‘Jay Zed’!
–JFK
Foreign exchange student: So, Claudia, since your boyfriend’s modeling career is taking off, have you thought of ever going abroad?
Latina: Nah, not really.
Foreign exchange student: Well, you could go to London.
Latina: Ohhh, no. I don’t got the time to learn the language.
Foreign exchange student: But Claudia, it’s England — they speak English!
Latina: Well, you know what I mean.
–Fashion Institute of Technology
Australian Girl: Well, our year starts in January and ends in June.
Young man next to her: Oh my god! So you guys are, like, in the year 2010 or something! Fuckin’ weirdos…
–Brooklyn-bound 3 train
Drunk black Brit musician: What the fuck? This is crazy! I can’t believe I ran into you. Manhattan is fuckin’ huge!
Girl: Yes…
Drunk black Brit musician: This city has what, thousands of people? There must be thousands, yeah… Maybe even millions — it’s almost like London… See my guitar case? I don’t have a guitar. The case has a ham in it. Millions of fucking people!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Carmel
Brit: Hello, my HSBC debit card isn’t working at the ATM. The bank probably thinks there’s fraudulent activity since I’m in America and not in England.
Teller: Okay, I’ll check it out… I can’t seem to find your account, sir. What’s your social security number?
Brit: Huh?
Teller: Your social security number — do you not have one?
Brit: No…
Teller: Hmmm. Okay…
–HSBC, 40th & 5th
Overheard by: Rachel W.
Headline by: have SSS #, am real
Runners-Up:
· “…Then Please Sing the National Anthem.” – pbump
· “How About Your Penis Size, Then?” – Mikey G.
· “I’ve Contacted Homeland Security. Enjoy Syria.” – Daniel Patterson
· “Okay I Need You to Fill Out IRS Form W-7 and Apply for a Tax Id Number and Then Come Back to This Counter in 4-6 Months.” – Ty
Turkish man: Miss, you are so lovely. Can I buy you a drink?
Girl: Uh, sure.
Turkish man: You are so beautiful, I would suck on your father’s dick just to taste where you came from.
Girl: Uh… Thanks for the drink [leaves].
–Crash Mansion, 199 Bowery
Overheard by: The Riddler
