Black girl: So, she told me that she was into pussy and asked if I was, and I’m like, ‘Ew, hell no!’ That’s just gross. I don’t want to look at that. Vaginas are just nasty. Don’t want to put my mouth on that shit.
Friend: Why not? Guys do all the time.
Black girl: Whatever — that’s their job. Haha, it’s what they get.
–A train
Teen tourist #1: Let’s go in this souvenir store — I want a name key chain.
Teen tourist #2: Daneesha, they don’t have your ghetto-ass name on a key chain!
–33rd & 5th
Overheard by: Janee Howard
Ghetto lady: I told that bitch that she know she used to fight over the stuff and get drunk back in the ‘Sty, and she acts like she all better now she got a job than when she was smokin’ crack.
Ghetto queer: You told her — I know, I know.
Ghetto lady: Ain’t no difference. She ain’t better ’cause she got a job than when we was smoking crack. She just doin’ it different. I told her, and she didn’t like it.
Ghetto queer: She gettin’ it all twisted and shit. She ain’t doin’ it better if she has a job, just different.
–M60 bus, 125th & Lenox
Teen chick #1: You think I’m ghetto, son? I bet you can’t even spell ‘ghetto.’
Teen chick #2: Yeah? G-E-T-T-O.
Teen chick #1: Ahhh, you stupid! It’s G-H-E-T-T-O. You can’t even spell ‘ghetto.’
–Prospect Park
Ghetto chick #1: They always tryin’ to fight with me! No matter what I do they always want to fight with me. Even they mother.
Ghetto chick #2: They mother? Ain’t she, like, 50 years old?
Ghetto chick #1: Or more. And she be comin’ out the house with hammers. She don’t play around. All of them fighting, and who go to jail for it? Me! Every weekend we fight, someone call the cops, and I go to jail. Every weekend. Just me. Because I’m on probation. I’m out on bail right now.
Ghetto chick #2: Uh-huh.
Ghetto chick #1: And I just don’t know when it’s gonna end. When is it gonna end? Someone’s gonna have to die — that’s all I know. One of these mothafuckah’s gonna have to die.
–C train
Ghetto girl #1: I love guys that can saaang!
Ghetto girl #2: Yeah, me too. They be marinatin’ you. That shit’s mad sexy.
Ghetto girl #1: Marinate? The fuck?! You mean ‘serenate.’ You’s a stupid-ass bitch!
–G train, Clinton-Washington station
Overheard by: all up in your grill
Ghetto chick on cell: Yo, I don’t be unnastandin’ you — you mus’ be talkin’ foreign, ’cause you ain’t talkin’ no American. [Pauses, looking at girl next to her.] Yo, girl, you go to college? ‘Cause you looks smart. [Walks away, then stops at top of stairs, asking no one in particular] Yo, which way is down?
–Grand Central
Thugette #1: One, two, three fish! One, two, three fish!
Thugette #2: No.
Thugette #1: Nigga! It’s one, two, three fish!
Thugette #2: No, it ain’t. It’s one fish…
Thugette #1: Nigga! Oh… Wait… You right.
Thugette #1 and #2 together: One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.
Thugette #2: Nigga I told you.
–Queens-bound M train
Overheard by: Sarah Booz
Ghetto teen #1: Is it okay to write ‘Well, damn?!’ in a college essay?
Ghetto teen #2: No! It’s not appropriate enough. Let me see that… Damn. You sound arrogant as shit in this. Write something else.
Ghetto teen #1: What the hell am I s’posed to say? ‘Geez, Louise’?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Cyndi
Ghetto chick #1: I didn’t want to touch that dildo, but…
Ghetto chick #2, sighing: Yeah, I know.
–14th St & University Pl
