Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, our train cannot proceed because of the passenger on the tracks.
Young black dude: If he is on the tracks, he is not a passenger. Let’s go!
–N train
Overheard by: Julia
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, our train cannot proceed because of the passenger on the tracks.
Young black dude: If he is on the tracks, he is not a passenger. Let’s go!
–N train
Overheard by: Julia
Father buying lightsaber: Just drop it! He wanted this one!
Mother: But it’s the dark side! You’re not supposed to join the dark side!
–Toys “R” Us
Woman #1: Don’t step on those leaves!
Woman #2: What?
Woman #1: This is why I don’t come to Manhattan — all these goddamn trees. I hate leaves.
–Grand & Essex
Overheard by: wb
Headline by: Gunther
Runners-Up:
· “But I Love the Black Gum Splotches On The Sidewalk” – Naked Lunch
· “Hobos, on the Other Hand, Are Manhattan’s Welcome Mat” – Kristin
· “In Jersey We Don’t Have to Put Up with This Crap” – PeterG
· “There’s Nothing a New Yorker Won’t Hate” – Volante
· “This Is Why I Hate Leaving the Bunker.” – sweetchuck
Lady: Are these cats for sale?
Man selling cats on the street: I’ll be set up in half an hour. Come back then. [Lady walks away.] And bring your cigarettes with you so we can inhale your cancer! [Turning to two teen onlookers.] Not everything I say is a pick-up line.
–84th & Broadway
Overheard by: Non-smoker
Blonde teen: She stole all my fucking condoms!
Brunette teen: Wait, are we still talking about your mom? [Blonde nods.] Well, tell her she needs to buy you a new pack.
Blonde teen: I did! She denies that she stole them! She’s such a liar — I saw a couple in the toilet this morning.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: just glad my mom flushes them
Black teen girl #1, about screaming baby at other end of car: Yo, someone needs to tell that baby to hush up.
Black teen girl #2: Damn, I know, right? Yo, baby, shut the fuck up!
–Coney Island-bound D train
Train announcer: This is an Eastchester-bound Five train. The next stop is Gun Hill Road.
Little black kid: No, Mommy! Don’t get off there! They’ll gun you on the hill!
Train announcer: This is Gun Hill Road.
Mother: Shut up! You do this every fuckin’ time! Get the hell over it! [Drags screaming child off train.]
–5 train, North Bronx
Overheard by: Benny P!
Wife: Well, we need to hurry. They’re waiting downstairs.
Husband: Well, I was ready to go ages ago. I’m hot, tired, and my rash is spreading.
–Macy’s
Overheard by: Becca
Asian guy #1: Paris Hilton. When you’re walking out of an elevator and you see Paris Hilton, it’s like you’re starstruck.
Asian guy #2: Yeah. [They exit.]Middle-aged woman: Yadda, yadda, yadda.
–Elevator, 34th & Broadway
Overheard by: Rita and Laura
Scholar: I’ve spent most of my time at NYU defending New Jersey.
–Washington Square
Queer: I knew there was a reason I live in New Jersey — I can buy coke.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Natalie
Indignant hobo, to self: State of New Jersey! Yeah, right!
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Conductor: To all of you passengers wandering around looking for seats, there are five empty cars at the front of the train. They’re going to New Jersey, too, you know.
–NJ Transit, Penn Station
Chick on cell: Geez, Mom! It’s not my fault you decided to have another baby after forty… Well, when you put it that way, I guess it is my fault… Yeah, but you gotta talk to Dad about that last part. I was in Jersey most of that year, remember?
–L train
Overheard by: Kelly
Two-year-old boy, as train emerges from tunnel into New Jersey: Ewww!
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: my thoughts exactly
