Black chick: What kind of soup do you got?
Chinese deli guy: Uhhh, we got some chicken noodle soup.
Black chick: Oh, just chicken noodle soup?
Chinese deli guy, singing and dancing: With a soda on the side! [Black chick glares at him in silence.] Uhhh, yeah, that’s all.
Black chick: That’s fuckin’ ign’ant, man.
–106th & 2nd
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, our train cannot proceed because of the passenger on the tracks.
Young black dude: If he is on the tracks, he is not a passenger. Let’s go!
–N train
Overheard by: Julia
Father buying lightsaber: Just drop it! He wanted this one!
Mother: But it’s the dark side! You’re not supposed to join the dark side!
–Toys “R” Us
Lady: Are these cats for sale?
Man selling cats on the street: I’ll be set up in half an hour. Come back then. [Lady walks away.] And bring your cigarettes with you so we can inhale your cancer! [Turning to two teen onlookers.] Not everything I say is a pick-up line.
–84th & Broadway
Overheard by: Non-smoker
Woman #1: Don’t step on those leaves!
Woman #2: What?
Woman #1: This is why I don’t come to Manhattan — all these goddamn trees. I hate leaves.
–Grand & Essex
Overheard by: wb
Headline by: Gunther
Runners-Up:
· “But I Love the Black Gum Splotches On The Sidewalk” – Naked Lunch
· “Hobos, on the Other Hand, Are Manhattan’s Welcome Mat” – Kristin
· “In Jersey We Don’t Have to Put Up with This Crap” – PeterG
· “There’s Nothing a New Yorker Won’t Hate” – Volante
· “This Is Why I Hate Leaving the Bunker.” – sweetchuck
Blonde teen: She stole all my fucking condoms!
Brunette teen: Wait, are we still talking about your mom? [Blonde nods.] Well, tell her she needs to buy you a new pack.
Blonde teen: I did! She denies that she stole them! She’s such a liar — I saw a couple in the toilet this morning.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: just glad my mom flushes them
Black teen girl #1, about screaming baby at other end of car: Yo, someone needs to tell that baby to hush up.
Black teen girl #2: Damn, I know, right? Yo, baby, shut the fuck up!
–Coney Island-bound D train
Train announcer: This is an Eastchester-bound Five train. The next stop is Gun Hill Road.
Little black kid: No, Mommy! Don’t get off there! They’ll gun you on the hill!
Train announcer: This is Gun Hill Road.
Mother: Shut up! You do this every fuckin’ time! Get the hell over it! [Drags screaming child off train.]
–5 train, North Bronx
Overheard by: Benny P!
Wife: Well, we need to hurry. They’re waiting downstairs.
Husband: Well, I was ready to go ages ago. I’m hot, tired, and my rash is spreading.
–Macy’s
Overheard by: Becca
Asian guy #1: Paris Hilton. When you’re walking out of an elevator and you see Paris Hilton, it’s like you’re starstruck.
Asian guy #2: Yeah. [They exit.]Middle-aged woman: Yadda, yadda, yadda.
–Elevator, 34th & Broadway
Overheard by: Rita and Laura
