Petite Asian woman on cell: And that's when I'll cut off his penis!
–East Village
Overheard by: Katie
Guy in the middle of group photo: Okay, now everybody take your cocks out.
–The Luxor Hotel, Columbus & 81st St
Loud matronly woman on cell, exasperated: Whose penis was on your thing?
–3rd & 16th
Overheard by: Joe & Eliz
Young lesbian on cell: She kept yelling "penis!" the whole time we were doing it… Should I call her?
–Long Island City
Overheard by: Sunny
White man selling stories: You wanna hear a story?
20-something white guy: What's it about?
White man selling stories: It's about a pirate, his parrot, and cyborgs.
20-something white guy: Okay.
White man selling stories: First, are you familiar with robots?
–Brooklyn Bridge
Overheard by: Human Being
Guy: I was diagnosed as depressed.
Friend: What? Like depression?
Guy: Yeah.
Friend: That sucks.
Guy: Yeah… Need some happy pills or some shit.
–Canal & Lafayette
Guy #1: Big girls need love too!
Guy #2: Not from me, my bed is too small to fit a baby whale.
–46th St & 6th
Overheard by: TL
Dude: Anne Frank looks really hot.
Random woman : What's the matter with you? Don't you have any respect?
Dude: Oh, sorry. With all due respect, Anne Frank is really hot.
–Prospect Park
Girl: What kind of fur can we use that is only shaved and doesn't hurt the animals, like shearling, and not skinned?
–Bleecker & Lafayette
Overheard by: Anonymous
Man to ladies: So, I walk in the room and I see one guy shaving the other guy's balls.
–Forest Hills, Queens
Overheard by: CandyPerfume
Guy to girl: I just shaved my balls and now I'm itching all over.
–Houston St
Overheard by: pubey-free
UPS guy: Hey, man, last dude who chased me got killed.
Guy eating fruit cup: Mmm-hmmmmmm…
–46th & 6th
Overheard by: GoodToKnow
Girl: You're running around like a chicken with its legs cut off.
Guy: Wait, how can a chicken run without legs?
Girl: I don't know! It's an expression!
–AMC Loews Cinemas
Overheard by: Michael Brawley
Guy #1: The beach has been really big this summer.
Guy #2: They beach is big every summer.
–20th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Barrett
Guy: …and then I'd be a cyborg.
–Soho
Overheard by: Nicole Q
Man on cell: But wouldn't that make you a vampire?
–45th St
Crazy guy, returning after briefly exiting car: I tried to make it to the end of the train, but I was blocked by a teenage werewolf. I have encountered them before, but never outside Brooklyn.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Canucking Futs
Guy on phone: In your next life, you're gonna come back as a vampire.
–Williamsburg
Dude, marveling to another on train: Damn, son, you look like Godzilla with a fade.
–Q Train
Hipster waiter: The fucking gnome took my remote control. The one thing in the world that I love. I told him, "you can take anything except the remote control." And sure enough, he took the fucking remote control.
–Restaurant, Williamsburg
