Dude on cell, leaning against door: Yeah, and then she texted me, ‘I’m pregnant, you’re the father,’ and I stopped in the middle of the street and screamed, ‘Fuck!’
NYU student pushing open door: Excuse me.
Dude, dropping cell: Fuck!
–NYU Library
Overheard by: Ms. Manners
Clerk to woman trying to use debit card: You have to confirm.
Woman: How I do that?
Clerk: With the keypad you’re holding.
Woman, using keypad as cell phone: I confirm!
–Electronic store, Times Square
Overheard by: French dude
Teen girl #1: What do you want to do now?
Teen girl #2: Get something to eat.
Teen girl #1: Ew!
–59th & Columbus
20-ish music enthusiast #1: Man, their last concert was so great — I got hospitalized right after.
20-ish music enthusiast #2: Seriously?!
20-ish music enthusiast #1: Yeah, man. I guess I suffered some abdominal tearing…
–Metro-North
Overheard by: gotta start driving to work again…
Test-taker #1: You know how good a test location is by the ratio of people to Asians.
Test-taker #2: Huh?
Test-taker #1: That’s how it’s done.
–Line for SATs, Martin Luther King High
Obnoxious woman: Excuse me, excuse me! Do you know where Park Place is?
Jaded youth: Next to Boardwalk.
Obnoxious woman: Where is that?
–E Broadway
Overheard by: Mr. Money Bags
Man: So, where are you from?
Woman: Boston.
Man: Oh, yeah. That’s in Chicago, right?
–2 train
Chick #1: I wonder why they call it TP-ing a house…
Chick #2: Maybe it stands for ‘toilet paper.’
Chick #1: That doesn’t make any sense!
–74th & Broadway
Overheard by: Kirby J
Conductor: Due to an incident, the L train is now running at a slower speed.
Chick, to friend: You see?! You see?! It’s always a body with the L train. With the L train it’s always a body.
–L train, 6th Ave
Overheard by: Hannah
Park bench guy #1: If you could control it, what’s your ideal death?
Park bench guy #2: Something public, definitely. I’d rig a guillotine or something and when the chopper falls my head’ll roll in front of this kid and he’ll just stare at my lifeless eyes.
Park bench guy #1: That’s some sick shit. I’d want something that I wouldn’t dread. Like, I’d just drop dead, you know? Painless would be nice, too. Think carbon monoxide is painless?
Park bench guy #2: I always figured it was like getting choked except, like, all over your body.
Passerby: It’s painless! It has to be!
–Bowling Green
Overheard by: Matt
