Dude #1: So, I guess they’re selling coffee and samosas or whatever in that hallway in McConnell again.
Dude #2: Oh yeah? That’s usually pretty cheap. Hey, is it for charity?
Dude #1: Yeah, I think so.
Dude #2: Oh. Well, fuck that, then.
Dude #1: Seriously.

Girl: I can’t believe you’ve never seen The Sound of Music. You have to watch that.
Guy: Fuck that. I wouldn’t watch that movie if you watched it with me, and we were going to fuck afterward.

Mankato, Minnesota

Mother: Why do people like you?
Teen daughter: What?!
Mother: I mean, why do people like to talk to you and be your friend? I just don’t get it.

Fairfax, California

Man to girl he’s trying to hit on: [Flashes American Express card] What does this mean to you?
Girl: … It means you’re a douche.

Edendale Grill
Los Angeles, California

Late 20s drone in front of train operator’s door: Excuse me, can you move forward? The operator said I’m blocking the window.
Late 40s suit: No, you move forward. This is my spot.
Late 20s drone: We’re both blocking the window, and I can’t move unless you do.
Late 40s suit: I’m not moving.
Late 20s drone, groaning: You’re an ass.
Late 40s suit: No, you’re an ass.
Late 20s drone, pushing past: Oh, fuck you.
Late 40s suit, mocking: Oh, fuck you.
Late 20s drone: Good luck in third grade.

BART train, Bay Point – Daly City line
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: baby boomers must die

Suave dude on cell: Shut up, grandma! Your fridge isn't that heavy!

Overheard by: at least I'm nice to my grandma

Wannabe pickup artist: So, tell me your secrets.
Hot girl: I’m not sure…
Wannabe pickup artist: C’mon.
Hot girl: Okay, but you have to promise not to tell anyone.
Wannabe pickup artist: Fine.
Hot girl: I have a tail.

Albany Park
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Ivan Alfaro

Male flight attendant: … And if you brought more than two children with you today, decide which your favorite is and oxygen that one first.

Southwest Airlines Flight #135

Huge guy waving Bud Light bottle at old Native American lady: There’s a reason I like ladies without any teeth.

Minneapolis, Minnesota

Girlfriend: Awww, I like this. We should get it.
Boyfriend: What? What ‘we’?! I told you, I’m breaking up with you on Monday.
Girlfriend: I know. I mean, I thought you were kidding…
Boyfriend: No! Now that the bar exam is over, I can break up with you and not feel bad about it. Now that the bar is over, I can break up with you and not worry about you failing and me feeling guilty.
Girlfriend: Oh.

Bluestem Crafts
Columbia, Missouri

Overheard by: Kelsey