Patient camp counselor: Instead of punching Timmy* next time, can you think of a better solution to your problem?
Sullen six-year-old: Yes. Next time I’m going to rip all his hairs out.
Patient camp counselor: Assuming that ripping hair out is camp-inappropriate, what’s something else you could do?
Sullen six-year-old: Fine, then. I’ll rip out his eyeballs and piss on his face.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Glad I’m on his good side
Kid: I don’t got no energy for dodgeball.
Speech therapist: You don’t have any energy for dodgeball? There’s always energy for dodgeball. [Kid looks confused.] Trust me, there’s always room for JELL-O, and there is always energy for dodgeball. It’s the law.
–P.S. 31, Queens
Overheard by: Wondering what that session was like
Tweaker mom: Can I get my butter, please? I paid for my butter, and I’m taking my butter. I paid for it, I tipped for it, and I’m taking it [gets butter, then starts yanking child out the door].
Young daughter: Mommy, you don’t even like butter.
–Sunny & Annie Deli, 6th St & Ave B
Tourist mom: Ohhh! Look, dear! A fire escape!
Tourist child: Oh, where? Where?
Tourist mom: See? That balcony with the ladders…
Tourist child: But how do they get down?
Tourist mom: I think that ladder on the side slides down.
Tourist child: Oh, wow. It is just like in the movies!
–Ferry bus, 49th & 6th
Overheard by: A tourist who knows better
Little girl: Hey, my friend makes more money than you.
Employee: Yeah, I’m sure that’s true.
Little girl: No. Look at her — she’s seven and doesn’t have a job.
Employee: You’re making me feel much better.
–McDonald’s, Delancey & Essex
Boy: Mommy, what’s a vah-jay-jay?
Mom: A bird, sweetie! A wonderful bird.
–Wall St
Kid yelling: What are we doing after dinner? [Parents ignore him] What are we doing after dinner?!
Mom, calmly: Stop yelling, or I’ll have to kill you.
–10th St, between Broadway & University
Overheard by: Calling the Morgue
Six-year-old boy: Look, Daddy — another Picasso!
Father: No, it isn’t. You know better than that.
–Modern Wing, Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Jim W.
10-year-old girl: Mom! My hotdog has chunks of fat in it!
Mom: What are you talking about? There ain’t no fat in a hotdog!
–Avenue of the Americas
Overheard by: clancy
Tourist son: But what do they call Chinese food in China?
Tourist mom, thinking: I don’t know honey, good question.
–36th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Omar
