Guy to girl: So, that’s why you broke up? I don’t blame you — you gotta microwave them first, otherwise they’re too spongey.
–Central Park
Overheard by: newyorkette
Guy to girl: So, that’s why you broke up? I don’t blame you — you gotta microwave them first, otherwise they’re too spongey.
–Central Park
Overheard by: newyorkette
Crazy guy: Ain’t you people heard of the Treaty of Versailles? I gots mothafuckin’ rights, mothafuckas!
NYU tour guide: Washington Square Park is the vibrant center of campus…
Crazy guy: Rights! You can’t just be dropping mustard gas on me, like that mothafucka from Tennessee be doin’. The Treaty of Versailles says I got rights!
Tour mom: Oh my god! They have mustard gas here now? I told you this city wasn’t safe.
Crazy guy: This bitch understands that I got rights!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Laura Mathis
Workout chick: Don’t worry, your standards are just off because you dated a fetus. Want some ice cream?
–Columbia University
Queer: This place is way gayer than last time.
–XL, West 16th street
Overheard by: straight girl
Dude: I’ve fired 3 people in the last 2 weeks. One girl was fat. But she didn’t know it. She would come into work with her belly falling out of her shirt. I just couldn’t take it anymore.
–NYSC, 38th & Broadway
Overheard by: Aimee
Woman: I’m never going to be in the “in crowd” because the “in crowd” are all molecular biologists and have labs.
–F train
Overheard by: Eric Wrenn
Teacher lady: Kids, kids…Quiet! Remember, no one else on this train likes children!
–F train
Overheard by: Erin Schulte
Yuppie lady: Excuse me! I’ve been calling for someone and waiting in aisle 2 for ten minutes, and no one came! This is ridiculous! You people are incompetent! You have things stacked so they fall! Look at my pants!
Black woman: …So why are you telling me?
Yuppie lady: Because you work here!
Black woman: No, lady…I don’t.
–Gristedes, West 64th Street
Overheard by: vegannramember
Salesguy #1: If you could take over any country which one would you pick?
Salesguy #2: What do you mean, “take over”?
Salesguy #1: You know, weapons, resources, control the army, stuff like that.
Salesguy #2: That’s a hard question. I mean, I’m not that well traveled. People are so different in every country, different cultures.
Salesguy #1: Well, what if you could spend a year there, get to know the place?
–Bloomingdale’s, 59th & 3rd
Overheard by: Doug Tebay
Guy #1: I stayed the night at her place and woke early. She was still asleep.
Guy #2: What did you do?
Guy #1: I got up and was going to make myself breakfast. But when I cracked the egg open it got away from me.
Guy #2: Where did it go?
Guy #1: It slid down a crack between the counter and the stove.
Guy #2: What did you do?
Guy #1: I put everything away and climbed back into bed.
Guy #2: You know that shit is going to stink!
Guy #1: Yeah, I’m sure it will.
–97th & Broadway
