Old lady: I like this address book, but I want one with ABCs on the side.
Store guy: Well, this one has tabs, but no letters…
Old lady: Why don’t you have any that have ABCs?
Store guy: This collection was made in Japan…
Old lady: And what, they don’t go by ABCs there?
–MoMA Design Store, West 53rd Street
Woman: The problem is that I’m flesh and you keep thinking that I’m stone.
Man: Actually I was just thinking about fucking you.
–Village Vanguard, 7th Avenue South
Overheard by: Paul
Girl #1: It’s not that I hated history, I just hated all the
memorization. All the names, and dates, and places. And the wars! I mean, how am I supposed to remember whether Hitler was in World War I or World War II?
Girl #2: I think he had his own war.
–Office, 34th & Lexington
Overheard by: Fat Clown
Hipster guy #1: Oh my god, fuck the Strokes! I’m here for Eagles of Death Metal! Yeah! Ha, ha! Fuck, I love eagles but I hate death metal!
Hipster girl: Where’s Julian? Where’s Julian?
Hipster guy #2: Shut the fuck up guys, this lead singer’s fuckin’ Dave Grohl or some shit!
–Hammerstein Ballroom, West 34th Street
Girl: Was it wrong that I totally didn’t enjoy that at all?
Guy: Uh…
Girl: I mean it was like every song is exactly the same and they’re just a bunch of 6 1/2 foot tall guys in leather jackets.
–34th between 8th & 9th
Chick #1: Yeah, but I can’t keep fucking him.
Chick #2: Why not?
Chick #1: Because I’m not in love with him.
Chick #2: Oh. Well, how did you fuck him till now?
Chick #1: Usually with me on top.
–Clinton & Rivington
Old lady #1: Oh, how awful! You cut your dog’s ears. How horrible! How’d you like to have your ears trimmed?
Old lady #2: I would.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Robert Hall
Girl #1: I wanted to see if it was possible to walk here from campus in 20 minutes.
Girl #2: So is it?
Girl #1: No, it took me 22, and I think my boots are filled with blood.
–26th & 2nd
Girl: I’m not going to the gym today.
Queer: Oh my god, this is like the gazillionth time you’ve cancelled. Honey, no offense, and I didn’t want to have to tell you this, but you give me no choice. You’re starting to get fat. You need to start going to the gym, like, every day or no man’s gonna wan’t you.
Girl: You gays are so fucking judgmental. Oh, and since I’m such a fat cow, you can go find someone else to help you stretch and have to deal with your sweaty balls in their face.
–Starbucks, Park Row
Chick #1: So I need to get me a Bible.
Chick #2: Why? Aren’t you atheist?
Chick #1: They say Bible paper makes good rolling paper for your joints.
Chick #2: Really?
Old lady: You two are disgusting.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Glynnis O
Girl #1: How does she afford to live here?
Girl #2: You think she is selling her cooch?
Girl #1: No. I should sell mine, though.
Girl #2: That’s like trying to sell the AM New York.
–89th & 2nd
