Punk girl: The two of you seemed to get along at the party.
Mechanic guy: Yeah, he’s cool. We should hang out more.
Punk girl: You’re kidding, right? You’re so not getting all BFF with my husband.
Mechanic guy: Why not? Because we’re fucking? He has no idea.
Punk girl: My husband and my side fuck can not be friends. It just doesn’t work.
–W train
Overheard by: green with envy
20-ish female tourist: My feet are killing me. I shouldn’t have worn heels.
20-ish boyfriend: Heels aren’t that bad. I wore them and a dress for a play in eighth grade.
20-ish female tourist: My dad loves dressing up as a woman.
–C train, Port Authority
20-ish guy: You could transfer to the two, to the four, to the D…
20-ish girl: I could… I could also stick a glass dildo in my eye, but I don’t want to do that, either.
–Rush hour, 1 train, 86th St
Overheard by: Lulu
Hobo: Why did Freddy kill Martin Luther King, Jr.? Because he had a dream!
Suit: It doesn’t get much better than this.
–1 train
Overheard by: okredtrain
Guy who just got empty seat: My day just went from good to great!
Tourist lady: Oh? Why was it good?
Guy: I got to hug my therapist and talk about bogus relationships.
Tourist lady: [Stunned silence.]Guy: TMI?
Tourist lady: Ummm, yes [giggles nervously and turns away].
–6 train, Grand Central
Overheard by: Christine
Little girl: Daddy, save my seat!
Dad: I can’t.
Little girl: Yes, you can — just put your hand on the seat.
Dad: But then someone might sit on my hand, and they might have a smelly butt, like you.
–1 train
Son: Mom, you need your eyebrows waxed!
Mother: Daniel, you’re not supposed to say that!
Son, whining: But you need your eyebrows waxed… You need your eyebrows waxed, you need your eyebrows waxed, you need your eyebrows waxed!
–4 train
Lady to man on cell: Wait, how are you on the phone?! Why do you have service underground?! What kind of service do you have that it works in the subway?!
Man on cell, deadpan: I’m James Bond.
–Stalled subway at tunnel before 34th St
Woman #1: Are we going skiing this winter?
Woman #2: I don’t think so. Why?
Woman #1: I have to get some casual clothes. I looked in my closet, and it’s so serious. You know, someone asked me if I was a Republican! I need to get some fun clothes.
Woman #2: Wow, we worry about such different things.
Woman #1: Well, that’s because no one ever thought you were a Republican.
–6 train
Overheard by: Nicole
Effeminate thug: Look at all the couples around us! They’re happy! Why can’t we be like that?!
Bimbette: I’m happy!
Effeminate thug: Well, I’m not. I don’t understand why you have to keep lying to me and acting like it’s all a joke.
Bimbette: Because I’m happy!
Effeminate thug: That’s it, I’m leaving.
Bimbette: Want a blowjob?
Effeminate thug: … Okay.
–R train
Overheard by: Yvo
