Woman: So, what did you do for Easter?
Man: I took my kids to Chuck E. Cheese. My ex says I never do anything for those kids. I guess I showed her, and I can’t wait to tell her that next week in court.
–N train, Astoria
Woman: So, what did you do for Easter?
Man: I took my kids to Chuck E. Cheese. My ex says I never do anything for those kids. I guess I showed her, and I can’t wait to tell her that next week in court.
–N train, Astoria
Five-year-old girl in a cart: Mama! Mama? Mama?!
Fat lady pushing her: Yo’ mama’s fat ass is right over there by the candies.
–Pathmark, Cherry St
Overheard by: Paula
Girl #1: I’m not going with you.
Girl #2: Why not?
Girl #1: I have to go home and cook for lesbians.
Girl #2: Oh, your mom?
–Times Square
Overheard by: From now on this is my excuse for everything
Headline by: Mandi
Runners-Up:
· “But Don’t They Usually Eat Out?” – Hobo Whisperer
· “I Think I’ll Make Dyke L’Orange” – Peter
· “If I dont do it, dad will do it, and she’s a lousy cook.” – Extra Character
· “Ohhhh Pllllllease…. She licked your pussy once… ONCE!” – Mike Chmiel
· “Pass the Cunnilinguini” – I’m not gross in real life
· “They’d be happy with a box lunch” – Flem
Mother: Oh my god, close the goddamn window! Close it!
Kid: No! I’m hot!
Mother: I swear. Oh my god, close the window!
Kid: Nooo!
Mother, moving to adjacent seat: You know what? You [points to laughing stranger] — she’s your new mommy. Listen to her.
New mommy: Boy, close that window. Oh my god, close that window!
–M60 bus to LaGuardia
Overheard by: Kevo
Young boy witnessing bus crashing into car: That’s funny for us but not funny for them, right Mommy?
Mom: Yup, that’s right!
–Outside Hammerstein Ballroom
Overheard by: Mr. Jiggy
Black belt girl: My father is a doctor.
Green belt boy: Wow! My dad is an ex-doctor!
Black belt girl: Ex?
Green belt boy: Yeah, he used to practice medicine. Now he just practices substance abuse.
–Martial arts school, Bronx
Overheard by: Oh, I practice that, too
Little girl: If the teacher said if something was really, really good, would that make you really happy?
Mother: Yes.
Little girl: If the teacher said if something was good, would that make you happy?
Mother: Yes.
Little girl: If the teacher said something was sorta good, would that make you so-so?
Mother: Yes.
Little girl: If the teacher said something was bad, would that make you mad?
Mother: Yes.
Little girl: If the teacher said something was really bad, would that make you really mad?
Mother: It would make me sick!
–97th & 3rd
Overheard by: squid
10-year-old girl #1 referring to Starter for Ten: Oh my god, that movie was really sexy.
10-year-old girl #2: I know! We are lucky it wasn’t X-rated!
10-year-old girl #1: You know, my mom has seen an X-rated movie before, and my dad has one.
10-year-old girl #2: Why does your dad have an X-rated video?
10-year-old girl #1: He’s just really into movies!
–Movie theater restroom, 11th & 3rd
Overheard by: Dara
Yuppie mom: What did you do today, honey?
Three-year-old daughter: I don’t feel like talking, Mommy!
–10th & 7th, Park Slope
Overheard by: Russ Wall
Mother: Honey, what is wrong with your eyes?
Teen daughter: I am stoned.
Mother: You look like you have allergies.
Teen daughter: I am stoned.
Mother: Maybe it’s pink eye.
–Central Park
