Big black woman to son: I’m gonna smack you so hard, you’re gonna taste it!
Son, wailing: I don’t want to taste it!
Passerby: I don’t want to taste it either.
–74th St-Roosevelt Ave station
Big black woman to son: I’m gonna smack you so hard, you’re gonna taste it!
Son, wailing: I don’t want to taste it!
Passerby: I don’t want to taste it either.
–74th St-Roosevelt Ave station
Mother: You were a jerk for years.
Son: No, I was a cokehead. There’s a huge difference.
–F train
Overheard by: Shaun Laika
Father: Look at this — the bottle is sweating!
Six-year-old girl: It’s condensation, Dad.
–Shea Stadium
Overheard by: GL
Lady: You know that guy you stayed with last summer?
Daughter: Who?
Lady: He called last night. That rug salesman from Turkey.
Daughter: I never stayed with a Turkish rug salesman, Mom.
Lady: He’s coming over at 10 tonight.
–5th Ave
Overheard by: I don’t do his sales.
Dude #1: So I was, like, having intercourse with my girlfriend’s mom, and my girlfriend came home and caught us.
Dude #2: That happened to me before.
–D train
Overheard by: Ed
Lady to girlfriend: Your mother is gross. Two hundred dollars for one concert, four hundred dollars for another… This is why your family don’t have Christmas!
–Marshall’s, 125th St & Lenox Ave
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Woman leading little girl off subway: Don’t worry, Mommy’s pushing all these people out of our way.
–Times Square
Overheard by: sgeness
Father to son: You need to go away from home. When you go to college, or if you choose to go to boarding school, you need to go away — minimum of four hundred miles. And you should go away not just for the sake of going away — you need to get away from your mother.
–Central Park
Tween girl: My mama tried to kill me once, too, but I hit her in the head with a spoon.
–Donnell Public Library
Professor: The set design in Mary Poppins — since it is for children, nothing can be construed as sexual. It is for children before they start thinking of their mothers as sexual creatures… Boy, I’m not sending my mother this week’s lecture podcast.
–Columbia University
Big sis: Don’t be a failure and disappoint Mom!
–Line for American Girl movie auditions, 50th & 5th
Overheard by: slohmie
Ghetto chick on cell: So, yeah, yo — my mother got married this weekend. I don’t know who she married, but she got married this weekend, yo.
–Macy’s
Five-year-old boy: Daddy, why is Mommy crying?
Unemotional father: Son, your mother is crying because you are an asshole.
–1 train
Lady on cell: … And now I find out that I’m living a double life.
–Waverly & 6th
Overheard by: Surfer Dude #1
Fake blonde: Just get it. You only live once a year.
–Food Emporium
Overheard by: jason
Conductor: Because of construction this train will be making express stops. The MTA reminds all passengers that to better serve our customers construction will be going on for the rest of your lives.
–F train, Jay St/Borough Hall
Overheard by: Robert
Man to teary-eyed daughter: What’s not important? A camel. What is important? Our lives.
–Starbucks, 42nd St
Overheard by: burnsides
Three-year-old boy: You are cranky.
Mother calmly pushing cart: Do you even know what that means?
Three-year-old boy: No. You are cranky.
–Target, Bronx
Seven-year-old ghetto kid: This is the Earth, yo!
–Earth Science Hall, Museum of Natural History
Dad to seven-year-old son: If you’re gonna steal somethin’, you gotta steal somethin’ you can sell.
–Museum of Natural History gift shop
Overheard by: rufus
Cowboy squinting at museum pamphlet with wife and kids: The Big… Bang? What’s that?
–Museum of Natural History
Child passing the Australopithecus couple: Look, Ma! It’s like you and Dad on your honeymoon!
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Dottie
Employee: Welcome to the Hayden Planetarium. Please turn off your cell phones, digital cameras, and small children.
–Museum of Natural History
Mother: Stop screaming! They can’t hear you!
–Museum of Natural History
